Being Russian: Frequently Asked Questions

Have you ever been mystified by the mysterious Eastern European in your life? Baffled by their strange foods and last names? Fear not! Here are some frequently asked questions about Russians and their answers.

Q: Where are you from?

A: Odessa, Ukraine.

Q: So why do you speak Russian/Aren’t Russia and Ukraine the same thing?

A: Twenty odd years ago, there was a conglomerate of republics called the USSR. You may have heard of it.  In theory, all of the republics were equal. In practice, not so much. In republics from Ukraine to Kazakhstan, everything was done in Russian–schooling, documentation, television. This didn’t stop at language–it extended to culture as well. For seventy years, we watched the same news, followed the same politics, etc. Someone from Ukraine could freely move to Georgia and vice versa.

Even people that are not ethnically Russian may still speak or at least be familiar with the language. Different countries have different attachments to Russia. For instance, Belarus is still very Russified. Ukraine, on the other hand, has taken great pains to make Ukrainian language and culture dominant in the country again (although the southern parts have a lot of Russians and Russian speakers).

Q: Why are you complaining about being cold? Aren’t Russians used to the cold/Don’t they all live in Siberia?

A: Siberia is just a part of Russia (a chunk of the Asian side of the country), and the southern parts aren’t even that cold.

My birth city, Odessa, is one small sea across from Turkey. Make of that what you will.

Russians are not polar bears.

Q: Is it true you don’t have Christmas?

A: No, we have Christmas now. During the USSR, however, all of the Christmasy goodness was channeled into another holiday: New Year. Imagine Christmas but without the religious parts and with more sparkles and winter/snow motifs. Where American Christmas foods include turkey, cranberries and fruitcake, Russian New Year foods include oliviye (a hearty potato salad), herring with beets, and meat jello (I find it as off-putting as you do). After the champagne is popped and the presents are opened, many Russians watch a New Year movie.

As a Russian living in the US, the holiday season is totally awesome: everyone around me celebrates Christmas, and then a week later, I get Christmas 2: the Electric Bungaloo.

Father Frost, our version of Santa Claus. The writing says “Happy New Year!”

Q: Are you an atheist/Is everyone in the former USSR an atheist?

A: Agnostic, but yes, I was not raised to believe in any deity. Being nonreligious is common in Russia, Ukraine and Belarus, but so is being religious.  Soviet leaders recognized the impossibility of fully wiping out religion in a deeply religious country; public worship was forbidden, but worshippers were free to do so in private. Now, as you may have heard, religious conservatism has been on the rise.

Q: Didn’t you also say that you’re Jewish? How can you be an atheist and Jewish?

A: Jewishness is also an ethnicity.

Q: You’re Russian, so you must like lots and lots of vodka.

A: No, I drink sparingly and hate vodka.

Q: How do you spell/pronounce your last name?

A: Shvets. Ess Aitch Vee Eee Tee Ess. It is six letters. It is pronounced as it is written–no extra or silent letters. It is not Shevets, Schwartz, Shwats, Schwatz, Shrets, or Shvetzvetstz.

Six letters. Sheesh.