2014 Spring Menswear Trends: A lot of Flowers and Purses

Flowers and Purses! Oh my!

I never expected to lead off an article with those five words but alas, the recently released 2014 spring menswear fashion trends will make you do unexpected things.

Before I digress, if you haven’t had a chance to review what combinations the top designers in the world offered up on overseas runways this past season, you can catch complete coverage here.

But be forewarned, the contents of that link may burn your eyes.

I’m not sure where to begin so I’ll just dive right into the main points I can’t seem to get over.

Floral.

Yes, floral was apparently the BIG word dominating the fashion world last month and was unveiled as a burgeoning trend of next spring.

This gem from Prada leads off the blooming display as by far the ugliest shirt combo I have ever seen in my life. The entire arrangement resembles more of an old rug from the eighties as opposed to contemporary style.

Gucci added to the fun with a coat resembling a bouquet of clashing red and white foliage topped off by olive chinos, while Raf Simons presented a multi-colored scorpion style t-shirt with short shorts and a clashing collar.

On the bright-side (if you would call it that), AMI’s floral concoction wasn’t as offensive as the others. In fact, I’ll go as far as saying that the mustard/grey combo top along with the leather trench coat went OK with the flowery bottoms, and perhaps would have been a success if the pants were merely a bit simpler.

I’m aware that when it comes to new styles risks have to be taken to make an impact. Furthermore, for a trend to stick it has to experience that defining moment when the public collectively utters: “wow, that outfit is out there but damn it works in so many ways.”

So in a sense, there are a couple of floral fusions that in a certain light aren’t as offensive as the aforementioned Prada and Gucci creations and it’s fair to concede that with a little work there is some potential here for a stylish new fad.

Still, the few flowery positives aren’t strong enough to outweigh the numerous decorative disasters trotted out beneath the bright lights of Milan and Paris, so don’t expect roses to make the jump from vases to vests anytime soon.

Purses.

Excuse me “soft bags.”

I don’t care what designers want to call them, a purse is a purse and this trend is not happening.

The most alarming example came courtesy of Kenzo which offered up this school-boyish collaboration that initially creates the illusion of a man wearing a dress. More purse accented styles by J.W. Anderson, Miharayasuhiro and Andrea Pompilio only contributed to the sub-masculine fun.

There are many roads the topic of men and purses can travel when throughout a discussion so I want to put aside the fact that purses should be exclusive to women from a masculinity standpoint and focus on the style merits.

Simply put, soft bags don’t fit with male clothing. As much as I tried to rationalize some of the looks and as many times as we will see designers trot male models out with handbags and carryalls or whatever padded label they want to stick on the accessory, men’s fashion will not accept purses.

Imagine slipping into a world-class Gucci suit, sliding on your snazzy Versace shoes, taking out your fat wallet and placing it into your purse for you to carry. Something in that last sentence just doesn’t fit…yep the purse, it just doesn’t fit.

It’s almost like putting ketchup on a piece of Prime Rib.

“No, what are you doing? You’re ruining it!”

And that’s what soft bags are to men’s fashion: a bad condiment slathered all over a glorious piece of meat.

As for looking through a pair of alpha-male goggles: INSERT SEXIST COMMENT HERE.

What can be said except that purses just aren’t for men, they don’t look right with any male style and they’ll have to remain alongside socks with sandals and short shorts in that elusive realm of “things that will never be trendy but high-end designers will keep producing year after year.”

I will credit these big-name inventors of style for one thing; they’ve certainly made an impact with these far-out revelations they supposedly feel are going to take the fashion world by storm.

Whether that impact is a positive thing remains to be seen, but at first glance it’s fairly clear there won’t be enough sunlight in the world to make these new styles bloom into the head of Americans come next spring.