The Five Love Languages

Do you like to write encouraging notes to your roommate or perhaps you enjoy spending hours in a coffee shop with a good friend? In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman discusses how people give and receive love differently from one another. Love consists of choices, and thus, understanding and learning to meet another’s love language can resolve conflicts and deepen relationships.

The love languages are placed in five broad categories: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

Words of affirmation: Words have power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21). Speaking or writing words of encouragement, appreciation, praise, and kindness can lit up a person’s day, especially to those who receive love through words.

Acts of service: “Actions speak louder than words.” A person who feels loved by acts of service appreciate small and big deeds done by others, whether behind the scenes or in public.

Gifts: Gifts are a universal symbol of love; it can express a relationship that lasts a lifetime. A widow keeping a rocking chair from her husband for over forty years is a prime example. The object itself may have no monetary value, but the meaning behind it is significant. It is a symbol of the relationship. To learn proper gift-giving, Chapman offers the following: find out their interests, listen, pick up clues. It doesn’t have to be expensive; after all, “it’s the thought that counts.”

Quality time: With quality time, an activity usually is involved. It’s not so much about the activity itself but it is an opportunity to spend time with one another. The act of talking, listening, and enjoying the presence of the other person furthers the relationship.

Physical touch: Our body is connected to our soul and spirit. It is influenced by our mind, will, and emotions. For instance, comfort is shown by a gentle hug, appreciation is expressed by a pat in the back, and an agreement is sealed by a handshake. Those with this love language want others to re-affirm the relationship through touch.

Since people show love and feel loved differently from the next person, it is important to recognize the various love languages in relationships. In his book, Chapman shares story after story of reconciliation and restoration amongst friends, roommates, couples, families, coworkers, etc. when they understand each other’s love languages.

So have you thought of your love language yet?