Communicating as an Introvert in the Extroverted Culture

By Daniel Hoisch on July 24, 2013

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Many people nowadays do not seem to understand the natures and habits of an introvert in their extroverted culture. Approximately two thirds of the people in this nation have extroverted personalities, resulting in a social discrimination against a minority of soft-spoken individuals. This minority has been subject to numerous crude and unfair stereotypes in the American adolescent communities. Introverts have been accused of being rude, antisocial, uncaring, awkward, and incapable of holding any position of leadership. None of this is true. The sad fact is that over the last century, America has structured its culture to emphasize extroversion in the working culture and diminish introversion. However, studies have shown that non-stop group collaboration and brainstorming is not necessarily the proper course for a business, and a sense of individuality apart from the group is just as important. If you are reading this and you are an introvert, then you need to know that your individual skills and unique ways of thinking are invaluable in a country dominated by an extroverted culture.

Susan Cain; Author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts.
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There is something to be said for tentative speakers who think before they talk. American author and lecturer Susan Cain, a leading figure in today’s introverted community, emphasizes the undervalued importance of “powerless communication” in a community that primarily uses assertive speech to influence others. “It boils down to this insight: When people think you’re trying to influence them, they put their guard up. But when they feel you’re trying to help them, or to muse your way to the right answer, or to be honest about your own imperfections, they open up to you.” Suggestive statements such as “Is that alright with you?” or “What do you think?” can be far more effective at influencing others than assertive remarks such as “We’ll do it like this.” It shows that you’re simply pitching in an idea and acknowledging the thoughts and ideas of other people. This suggestive tone is predominantly used by introverts during conversation, and it’s beginning to show just how much of an impact they can make on other people, especially in public speaking.

In his online TEDxEast youtube video, Professor Adam Grant from the Wharton University of Pennsylvania gives an in depth presentation about the benefits of powerless communication in public speaking. It does seem a little ironic that when faced with a large crowd of people, powerless communication is the better way to go, but it can have strong advantages up on that podium. “It might be advantageous to ask more questions and give fewer answers,” says Professor Grant. Changes in content and tone sound more hesitant and can have wonderful effects. Hesitations, hedges, disclaimers, tag questions, and intensifiers can all demonstrate a willingness to care about your audience’s thoughts and opinions, and bring yourself down to their level for a better connection. This method of powerless communication can work even better for interacting in small group settings. Don’t be ashamed to be the one who knows the least about any given topic. Instead, reach out to your peers and connect with them through your curiosity. “We all admire the wisdom of people who come to us for advice, cuz they have really good taste,” Professor Grant implies.

A country that designs its company and business structures to work against one third of its citizens can never hope to reach its full potential. On Scientific American, Susan Cain continues to discuss the suppression and societal limitations of the introvert with Mind Over Matters editor Gareth Cook in The Power of Introverts: A Manifesto for Quiet Brilliance. “Our schools, workplaces, and religious institutions are designed for extroverts. Introverts are to extroverts what American women were to men in the 1950s – second-class citizens with gigantic amounts of untapped talent.” The feminist movement of the 1960s is not that far off from the advocacy for introverts we see today. Whenever there is a movement for any minority, it is always a sign that something needs to be reworked in a society for maximum potential. In our case, America has developed this convoluted notion that group collaborations will produce maximum results in business and education, when in fact research such as that of Susan Cain indicates a decline in work quality, and a need for a revision that suits the nature of each individual. To quote Professor Adam Grant’s lecture, “None of us are as dumb as all of us.”

More creative brain power for the individual than for those who have to interact with others, depending on how your mind functions. Photo uploaded by Sean MacEntee

It’s time to dispell this senseless viewpoint of the anti-social and incapable introvert. American culture sees the extrovert’s mind as the better of the two, when in fact, great thinkers and leaders such as Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, and Dr. Seuss were all introverts in their time. Many introverts in today’s America believe themselves to be inferior and incapable of having as successful a life as their extroverted peers, but in a country that suppresses the talents of one third of the population, a loss of self-esteem is bound to happen. Rest assured, you are not inferior and you are just as capable a person as the rest of your peers.

Other Useful Links for Introverts and Curious Minds:

Note: The 1/3 introvert ratio is a broad estimation. Since many introverts train themselves at an early age to behave like extroverts, it is likely that the introverted population in America is is closer to 1/2.