When Your Coworkers Try to Be Your Boss

This has definitely happened to more than just me: you’re at your job, doing what your immediate supervisor told you to do, and then one of your coworkers at your same level of experience tells you that you’re supposed to be doing something completely different. But what’s worse is every time you try to explain yourself to them, they shut you down with a cold shoulder, acting like you’re just a complete imbecile.

This happened to me this past week– not just with one of my fellow staff members, but multiple. My gut reaction was to tell them off because they are not my boss. In this situation, I remained quiet and waited until my immediate boss at camp and the director for that week actually told me what I was to do.

But here’s what I learned and what I believe will be helpful in the future, because I’m sure that this will happen again.

1. Check their motives.
Look first to see why your coworkers might be telling you to do something different. It could be that plans actually changed and your boss didn’t have the time to tell you or they are seeing that you’re doing something wrong and trying to correct you. This is okay. I’m talking about the completely outlandish changes. Listen to their tone of voice. Examine your relationship with them. If either seem unusual, don’t do anything differently until you hear otherwise from your boss.

2. Don’t tell off your coworkers.
This will not help your situation at all, I promise. As much as it may help you relieve your rage and anger at them, it will not help your relationship, word will get back to your boss, and you will still have to work with them the next day. Keep your emotions inside until you are clear of the situation, then let it out in private.

3. Get out of there.
If you can’t handle the immediate situation because of how you are feeling toward this person(s), then get out of the situation. Go for a walk. Allow yourself time to calm down before dealing with it again.

4. Use your words.
Don’t try to reason with them or fight them. Just simply say, “Thanks for letting me know, but I’d really like to hear this straight from the boss,” and go back to what you were doing.

5. Talk to your boss.
If you work at a job like mine where you have a very good relationship with your boss, use it. Go and talk to your boss about the interaction. Ask him/her what is true about what they told you and let him/her know that they were, in your opinion, out of line. File a formal complaint if you need to. A lot of times, your boss will understand and will at least talk to that person about their behavior.

Frustrating? Yes. But use your resources. As a camp counselor, I can’t afford to be having conflicts with my coworkers, but as a person, I can’t always get along with them. Following these tips don’t make you feel any better in the moment, but they will ultimately do wonders for you in the long run– and help you keep your sanity, not to mention your job.