You Want An Actor To Officiate Your Wedding
You want an actor to officiate your wedding.
As he stands in front of the gleaming bride and her love-struck husband, he’ll talk of Chekov, and the importance of subtext. He’ll remind you that while you may understand exactly what you’re trying to say, it’ll mean nothing if the person you’re talking to can’t follow it. He’ll turn to the bride, adorned with white and a smile and say “Do you take this man/woman to be your husband/wife?” The bride will say yes, and the actor will remind you of the importance of that word. He’ll remind you that nothing survives in a world of negating, and love is no different. He’ll then turn to the future spouse and say ‘Do you take this man/woman to be your husband/wife?” The spouse will say “Yes, I Do.” The actor will lead the couple in their vows, a testament to their love and the survival of it. When the couple says ‘Until death do us part,’ the actor will scoff. He’ll remind the couple that Romeo and Juliet died for love in each others arms, and death of the body does not mean the death of love. He will rephrase and say “From this day forward, until our tomorrows leave us in each others arms.” The couple will say, ‘I do,’ and the actor will pronounce them wed.
The actor will cue the band and say, “If music be the food of love, play on!” The band will strike up “At Last” by Etta James, and the newlywed couple will make their way to the dance floor in through a throng of congratulations. The actor will attend to the crying parents of the newlyweds, and tell them that their little girls and boys are growing up, and everyone has to take the stage at some point. The parents will sob; they grow up so fast. You’d hope the actor would choose an effective tactic to calm the parents; another song, perhaps. The actor will cue the band to play Tom Petty’s ‘Wildflowers’ and the parents will dance with their children, in awe of the milestone.
The actor will watch from the side, knowing he created his own fairytale wedding for a lucky couple. He will call the attention to the stage, and he will toast.
“Doubt that the stars are fire. Doubt that the sun doth move his aides. Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt that they love. Now, join your hands, and with your hands, your hearts. And until tomorrow, we all must part.”
The ceremony will end, the newlyweds ablaze with Cupid’s arrow. The actor will smile; the couple’s curtain rises.