An Open Letter to the Attendants of UC Davis' Decision Day 2013

My darling little people,

This morning, you woke up very early, got into a car with your various relatives, and drove some distance to visit UC Davis.  This must have been very exciting for you!  I’m sure that you planned out what you were going to wear, how grown up and completely professional you were going to look, and the calm demeanor you were going to maintain throughout your brief, but ecstatic visit to the campus.  (What?  That’s what I did last year!)

You arrived, some of you very early (as someone who lives in the dorms, I thank you immensely for being quiet!), and soon you were being guided around.  Now, if you are anything like myself last year, or like many of the future students I witnessed today, you were a little… overwhelmed by everything.  As if you arrived here and all of the sudden everything was bigger, scarier, and more offensive than it was when you came here while applying.  You suddenly found yourself wondering why you came here, and what on earth you’re doing at this huge school that, honestly, mostly smells like cows (it doesn’t all the time, I promise).  You were very abruptly surrounded by people your own age (way more than you went to high school with, if you’re anything like me) and their parents, who seem very tiny standing beside the giant, overwhelming buildings, which hadn’t seemed so massive before.

This year, my ducks, you got lucky.  Last year’s decision day happened in the midst of the Occupy Movement, which we all remember fondly here, for its exciting and fascinating involvement in the UCD campus.  (I’m talking about the pepper-spraying cop, just in case you didn’t know.  This is one of my favorite websites, now: http://peppersprayingcop.tumblr.com/, “It is super jusitified!  AAUUUAUAUAUUAAAUGGHHH!”).  You are very lucky to have missed that fun and delightful drama.  I got a lot of very interesting pamphlets from that.  The sharp smell of pepper spray was not yet in the air, then, however.  Oh, I remember the way we were.

I have some advice for you, darlings.  It’s very simple advice, and there isn’t very much of it.  A year ago, I was standing right where you are right now.  I was looking at dorm rooms, I was trooping through the heat on feet that didn’t want to carry me anymore, and I was observing the fascinating, and occasionally tasty, dining commons food with a wary eye.  I was talking to my mom this morning (whose memories of Decision Day are mostly of her dragging me and my friend Sierra–who came with us because I want her to go to Davis next year–from place to place because we were overwhelmed and freaking out.  I think I became really fascinated by the windows in Segundo.  They are pretty great windows), and she was mentioning the food.  This is a small part of my advice for you.  Focus on the food.  Think as hard as you can about the people who prepared it for you, how they planned a meal that would feel home-like for you, to try to make you feel as comfortable as they could.  The dining commons people are really wonderful, and food is an equalizer for everyone.  It is comforting, and it shows your parents that you will be okay.  Food is a place to escape to when we are feeling lost and alone, and it is a good place to find comfort.  Just do it in moderation.  If your only comfort food is glazed donuts, you will struggle freshman year.

Here is my other piece of advice.  I learned it from Doctor Who.  Everything valuable in my life I learned from kindergarten, my mother, or Doctor Who.  In the completely brilliant episode “A Christmas Carol” from the 6th Series, featuring the amazing Michael Gambon (Dumbledore!) as a major character, The Doctor is giving a little advice to young Kazran.  Here is what they say to one another:

Kazran: I’ve never kissed anyone before. What do I do?
The Doctor: Well. Try and be all nervous and rubbish and a bit shaky.
Kazran: Why?
The Doctor: Because you’re going to be like that anyway. Might as well make it part of the plan and then it’ll feel on purpose. Off you go then.
Kazran: Now? I kiss her now?
The Doctor: Kazran, trust me. It’s this or go into your room and design a new kind of screwdriver. Don’t make my mistakes. Now! Go!

I’m not telling you to kiss everyone.  Don’t worry.  What I’m saying is that, Decision Day, or Preview Day, or whatever your future school has, is a chance to see something entirely different from the rest of the universe.  In a way, it’s kind of like kissing.  This is the best piece of advice I have for anyone trying something new, especially college.  Try to be all rubbish and shaky.  Because you’re going to be anyway.  It is a new universe.  You are, regardless of distance, or ability, or what-have-you, drastically changing your life.  It doesn’t matter whether you travel all the way across the world to go to school, or you start working right after high school graduation, or you’re taking a giant leap and finally going to college after many years in the workforce.  It is a completely different place.  And you will struggle, I know I did.

Find what is familiar, but don’t cling to it.  Go to it when you need to seek solace.

Don’t be afraid to smile at people.

Don’t shut out your friends.

And definitely, give all your options a chance.  Don’t be afraid to try something different.

I fought going to college, mightily.  I cried, I panicked, and I was terrified to see it looming before me, this massive change.  It was alien, and threatened to crush the safe, comfortable world I lived in.  It took some time, but when I finally got here, I loved it.  I love it still.  It is so different, and so beautiful, and such fun that I can’t imagine why I didn’t want to go.  And yes, I’ve been nervous, and rubbish, and shaky.  I’ve spent entire classes in the wrong classroom because I was afraid of leaving in the middle of a lecture, and I have made stupid mistakes on papers.  And you will too.

But, this is my ultimate point.  You have to.  In whatever you do, after graduation from high school.  It is absolutely crucial that you spend some time figuring things out.  And just be kind to yourself.  Let yourself get things wrong.  allow yourself childish moments where you let someone hold you, or eat cereal straight from the box, or call your mom crying, because you feel overwhelmed.  It’s all okay.  Take a deep breath.  And another.

There was a time when breathing was new to you, when you had brand new muscles that weren’t familiar with gravity.  But now you probably take your breath for granted.  College is like that.  Life is like that.  You struggle a lot in the beginning, but soon things even out.

It will be okay.

And if not, other people feel this too.  You are never alone.

Best of luck,

Helen