Unwanted Suitors: When "Back Off" Just Doesn't Cut It

When you’re not interested in someone who is very obviously out to make you his or her significant other, it can be excruciating. Besides the fact that they’re not what you meant when you cried out “I just want a boyfriend/girlfriend — is that too much to ask?!” over a pail of Rocky Road, their incessant badgering in spite of your hints to back off can really be tough to put up with.

For one, subtlety has its place and should definitely be your first line of defense, especially if you don’t know the person particularly well. No one wants to be the person who crushed another’s loving spirit for life. Once you’ve decided that you’re not interested, clear hints (politely ignoring flirtatious comments, avoiding eye contact, “yeah, my ex used to say that too,” etc.) can save you from having to make the awkward flat-out rejection, and your suitor can quietly lay off without having to hear the heartbreaking words straight from your mouth. However, there is a point where flirting changes to unwanted advances, and that is no place for subltety.

Incessant comments or pick up lines, physical contact even after you’ve swatted them away or ducked out of their hug, or any advance that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe should be addressed immediately and vocally. Someone who does not respect your wishes or your body does not deserve the face-saving subtlety of an unwanted crush. Never be afraid to speak up, and even if you feel you couldn’t have been clearer with your hints, use words like “no” and “stop” that are impossible to misunderstand.

My advice is that being paranoid is not a bad thing. Your instincts, while they may seem offensive, are really the first thing that you should trust. If someone makes you feel unsafe, there is a good chance that they might actually be dangerous. Of course, this isn’t infallible, but trust your gut on this one, and you’ll be much happier in the long run. I’m a strong advocate for everyone (contrary to popular belief, it’s NOT just girls who experience this) to keep a rape whistle on their keychain or another easily accessible place. Also, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed to tell someone if you do not feel safe. Your RA, an advisor, a regualr security guard, and even the people you live with are the types of people who should know if you have concerns. Don’t compromise your own safety because of someone whose intentions don’t match your own.