Should You Talk To Your Ex?

By Abby Kutscher on March 23, 2013

Should you talk to your ex? This is a question that has undoubtedly crossed the minds of every person to ever have been involved in a break-up. Regardless of whether a break-up was good or bad, one of the most difficult aspects of the situation is to lose a best friend and confidant. Persons involved in a relationship become so comfortable with the routine of talking to each other every day and of sharing everything with that other person that it undoubtedly becomes difficult to leave that situation behind.

If the ending of the relationship was “good” (that is, no harsh words or insults were tossed out and both people have come to a mutual understanding of the reason things ended) then talking every once in a while following the first few weeks is okay. The first week, it may not be a good idea to talk to one another because with wounds still fresh, somebody may end up saying something they will later regret. However, after that initial period, it can be helpful to talk once in a while. Now, talking to an ex should not be the same as talking to a significant other. Don’t talk to each other every day, and perhaps not even every week. Once in a while, it is okay to send a text message or an email or even to talk on the phone or in person. Not severing all ties immediately will help both parties to ease into the new situation of being apart. After all, it is difficult to never again see or speak to someone whom you once truly cared for.

Conversely, if the relationship ended poorly, both people may want to wait longer than several weeks to make contact. Eventual contact after things have settled down may prove useful so that both sides can reach a peaceful closure. And if this closure helps to renew feelings of mutual respect and caring, then talking sporadically may be an option too.

However, there will come a point when contact more or less ceases. Instead of talking every couple of weeks, maybe the two people involved talk every couple of months. Then again, maybe both parties will move on and feel no desire to talk to the other at all. As time goes on, communication between exes occurs less and less frequently. One or both may decide that they wish to move on and focus on other aspects of their lives.

Losing someone who has been an important figure in one’s life is never easy. Yet, it can be made easier if both parties talk occasionally and are able to reach a stage where there are no feelings of animosity and all that is remembered are the good times shared. By not immediately severing all contact, both parties will be able to slowly ease themselves into their new roles and routines.

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