Why I Absolutely Hate Candy Crush

By Uloop Archives on March 30, 2013

Lately, the Candy Crush Saga has been garnering a lot of attention. For those of you who do not know what this game is (you lucky people), Candy Crush is a free mobile smartphone/online game that can also be played on Facebook. Over 16 million users, including me, have been utterly addicted to this bittersweet app. It looks like a rather simple game: destroy pieces of candy by lining them all three or more in a row; however, the game is perhaps the most frustrating game. It will make any user want to tear their limbs off.

In the beginning, the game looks relatively easy as you breeze through each level, but then suddenly (approximately around level eight), it unexpectedly becomes difficult. The game gives you different kinds of rules to play by, and as interesting as it sounds, it can get annoying fast. I absolutely despise the rules that have you bringing fruits all the way down the grid and breaking all the jelly. I do not mind the task of breaking jelly or moving fruit much, but when there are random gaps in the middle of the puzzle or growing chocolate, stubborn licorice, and gumdrops in my freaking way, I want to throw my phone against the wall.

 Also, when I’m playing the game, I would highly appreciate it if the tall, eccentric man with the monocle and orange hair would shut up for once. Every time I make straight combos or create multiple explosive candies, he says things such as “tasty” or “delicious” in a creepy voice that could make children cry. (I assume that is him speaking although the game never shows him saying those things). The colors of the game may be attractive, but the characters of the series still never fail to scare me. It’s like staring at a porcelain doll. They’re supposed to be innocent and happy looking but it’s still not something you want to sleep next to (for some peoples’ cases that is.)

And how can anyone forget this: THE LIVES. You only have FIVE lives before you need to wait THIRTY MINUTES to gain another life to play again. That is a very evil thing to do. Provide us an extremely addictive game and then force us to have to wait for that long. It’s like allowing a person who is on the verge of dying from starvation to only bite once into a piece of bread and then you cruelly throw their food onto the ground and stomp on it. IT’S MEAN! The game will let you extend your limit on lives to eight if you purchase a bonus that costs roughly from ninety-nine cents to one dollar and ninety-nine cents. Any power-up you have unlocked can only be used once you purchase them, and honestly, I would not give money to this stupid game, let alone forty dollars. Jesus Christ, who would seriously pay forty dollars for this game?

If I had a chance to rate Candy Crush, I would give this a negative billion for just being the most annoying game in the history of all games I ever played in my life. And yet what am I currently doing right now? Not only writing this article, but playing Candy Crush on the side. I am a serious addict to this game despite all its imperfections. The moment I wake up I immediately turn on my phone, not to check for text messages or my email, but to play Candy Crush. Before my class starts, I am seen playing Candy Crush. At parties, I sneak in Candy Crush while talking to friends and strangers. And before I go to bed, I take up all my lives in Candy Crush. I am THAT addicted to Candy Crush, and that, my friends, is the biggest reason as to why I hate Candy Crush with a burning passion.

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