Finding Beauty in the "Ugly"

For many years I have been considered the “ugly” girl. Compared to sorority members and other young women that attend my college, I’m considered a pariah of the social scene. In earlier efforts I convinced myself that if I were “beautiful” I’d be more important, loved and have more opportunities. These self-defeating thoughts only led me to hate myself and the gifts I had to offer. I failed to realize that the negative perception others had of me could in turn be used for positivity. Today I see myself as beautiful but not because of hair highlights or shiny accessories. I see myself as beautiful because I have been overcoming the ugliness inside myself. Here’s how I did it:

1. Realizing No One is Superior or Inferior

In today’s society, money, appearance, fame, and other external elements are considered the ideal and important to possess. But when you think about it most people forget these are temporary and what is lasting can never be bought. We all start out the same: naked and crying. Everyone has feelings and everyone has dreams. Putting someone beneath or above us is not only detrimental to ourselves but those around us. Try to see everyone on an equal level without judgment and you will stop judging yourself.

2. Stomping Stereotypes

I can’t stand the stereotype that “unattractive” people are good and intelligent. Or, on the other hand, that ”attractive” people are dumb and mean. It’s a false compensation to uplift a subjective group and dehumanize another. Every human on the face of this earth can be intelligent, has said something dumb, made a good effort, and behaved in a mean way. There is no possible way for us as people to have one or two traits or a parallel personality.

3. Leave Your Comfort Zone

Birds of a feather often flock together. But even the birds in the flock have to spread their wings and explore once in a while. If you find yourself hanging out with only a set group of friends or are attracted to certain types of people, try to expand your horizons. It can be hard to leave your comfort zone out of fear of rejection or not knowing what will happen, but it’s worth it. Not only will you gain insight into new surroundings, you’ll make new friends and have a larger awareness of diversity.

4. Laugh at Bullies

There have been many times I have spent preparing myself for class, beginning the day with confidence only to walk on to my campus to be insulted. The best way yo deal with these situations is to recognize them as hilarious events. When you realize that someone is so into themselves and has such little character that they will make fun of a stranger, it becomes pitiful. Let their words or actions have comical meanings rather than depressing results. Don’t let them darken your day or mood, just hold your head up and smile and think, “At least my life doesn’t suck that bad.”

5. Be Friends with Confident People

Confidence is not about wearing the most fashion-forward clothing, having money, or looking the best. Confidence is being able to treat others and yourself in the best way possible. A lot of seemingly confident people are very insecure and often bring others down to elevate their self-esteem. Truely secure people are positive, humble, courteous, strong and accepting. Being friends with such people (or even dating one) can have insurmountable benefits on your own self-esteem. These people also tend to be genuinely happy and smile often.

6. Do Not Talk About Others

Everyone has done it, some more than others. Talking negatively about another person is a sure sign of insecurity. Speaking positively about people and yourself will inhance your ability to fight off negative thoughts. You may think you are doing your best to offer support or have a laugh with friends, but in the end you’ll only wind up being the topic of conversation. Now that will not be good.

7. Maintain your Morals

Whatever morals you have stick to them like glue. Often people let lose and throw away their habits for a new perspective. This can be positive and negative. If you’re not the type to speak rudely or be judgmental don’t start because your best friend, significant other, or even family do. You are the captain of your ship and the master of your soul.

8. Fancy Your Flaws

Stop hating them and see how unique they are. Each and every “flaw” you have is a fantastic mark of your individuality. There’s only one of you and originals are ALWAYS in demand. There are so many facets of ourselves we downplay or disregard. These same features or aspects can be the greatest keys to unlocking the door to our best selves. So shine your keys and you are sure to be rewarded!

It can be hard to find the good in the bad situations in your life but they exist. My light at the end of the tunnel is bright and abundant and so is yours. Don’t forget whatever challenges you face can and do have the positive results you aim to seek.