The Awkward Moment When You Become That Guy On Campus You Hate

There are people who just haven’t yet figured out how to go with the flow. You know the people I’m talking about — the ones who get to the front of the line without already having their ID ready, the ones who ask a teacher a question four seconds before dismissal, the ones who don’t understand how to keep their backpack in their own personal space. Granted, all of these are minor annoyances and, frankly, normal human mistakes, but they can stress you out pretty quickly. I’d like to make a shocking announcement now that might be comforting to remember the next time someone takes the seat right beside you in lecture instead of one of the twenty other open ones in the same row: We’ve all been that guy at some point.

Sympathy for the inconvenient guy on campus? Blasphemy. But a lot of the time, it’s just like the way we hate the person who passes us on the right while we’re waiting to turn left at the stoplight. We’d do the same thing if we were in his place.

How about that guy that does something so embarrassing that you feel embarrassed for him? That might be an even worse feeling, having to swallow the overwhelming urge to stand up and shout “STAHP.” (That’s “stop” for those not familiar with the Internet.) I feel as though most of us would refuse to believe we’ve ever been this terribly awkward, but I assure you, there has been at least one instance in the history of your life where you were.

I’ll use my own life as a case study. I exited the cafe on Monday morning carrying a juice and a bagel in one hand and a plastic container of apple slices in the other. Maybe the universe was just feeling extra malevolent because it was Monday, or maybe I was just receiving karma for judging the other awkward people. Whatever the cause, only thirty feet or so from my residence hall, the apples slipped out of my grip. Of course, the plastic cup couldn’t have just hit the ground, allowing me to pick up my breakfast and walk away with the title of Minor Annoyance Who Held Up Traffic For Two Seconds. No, the container burst open, and my apple slices were scattered all over the place. I was in too much of a hurry to get to class, so all I could do was snatch up the plastic to throw away, leaving my apple debris all over the ground. I was mortified, 50% because of the awkward screeching sound I made when I realized I was dropping the apples and 50% because of the fact that it was between classes and there were gobs of people around to see me do it.

Moral of the story is, we’re all awkward, so we should try to tolerate each other. And also, hold on to your apple slices, those suckers will get away from you.