Gabbing About 'Girls': Week 3

The opening scene of this week’s episode of Girls is nothing like a conversation my fantastic editor, Michelle Collins, and I would ever have. Hannah is attempting to be a free-lance writer for an online publication (I feel you, girl) and her boss suggests she does a bunch of cocaine or have a three-way with people she finds off of Craigslist. If my boss paid me $200 an article, I may consider doing those crazy things. Karl… just hear me out.

-Poor Shoshanna is acting very “stroppy” this episode due to the fact that Ray keeps her up at night watching old episodes of Ally McBeal (and hopefully sex). If I had a boyfriend who only wanted to watch old episodes of Ally McBeal, I’d want to kill him too.

-Hannah decides to take her boss’ advice and procure some cocaine so she can reveal her insecurities to the entire Internet. Essentially what I do on a daily basis without the need for cocaine. Although if I did need some cocaine, I’m sure my neighbor who wears head wraps and stands shirtless in the street with his police radio would be able to point me in the right direction! She decides to ask her creepy neighbor, Laird, who lives below her. After an awkward conversation involving turtles and pomegranate juice he decides to help her. Little does Hannah realize that it’s because he’s smitten with her. How she wasn’t getting the “I want to do you” looks he was giving her is beyond me.

Photo via hbo.com/girls

-Booth Jonathan is finally back and shorter than ever! He meets Marnie at work and convinces her that she is about to have sex with him. Does she not have her job to do? Home girl should be fired.

-Everyone is convinced that Marnie’s new job is “depressing,” but I’m not on board. This is the recession; a girl has got to eat. If I could make money by dressing up like “slutty VonTrapp child” then I would too. It doesn’t mean that Marnie has given up on what she wants; it’s just her trying to make ends meet until she figures out her next move.

-Booth Jonathan is a psychopath. Who locks a person in a creepy iron-maiden of televisions and calls it art? Who has sex with someone and forces them to describe a doll’s emotion that is perched above the bed? Marnie, you need to stop making these decisions that are pushing you farther down. Relatedly, I feel you girl.

-When Hannah says “I’m just so jazzed to write the fuck out of this story,” is how I feel after I have a really great night out with friends and can’t wait to share it with the world. A “really great night” is usually one where I don’t throw up and/or don’t spend a lot of money on Taco Bell.

-Elijah has the best lines of the show. Besides “It was nice to see you, your dad is gay,” his best line has been “let’s just have one of those nights where it’s 5am and one of us has punched someone that’s been on the Disney Channel.” He’s everything I wish I was: outwardly spoken, funny, and beautiful… minus the whole he is a catty fink thing.

-I have a confession. Like Hannah, I don’t know how to properly write a check. Help me. This is a cry for help.

-I have taken Adderall once in my life, and from what I can tell… it’s not too much different from cocaine. Except, I didn’t snort Adderall and go dancing with my friend.

-Hannah on cocaine was the funniest part of the episode. Her mesh shirt, however, was the least funny part of the episode. Lena Dunham, love you babe but no.

-From my vague knowledge of cocaine and its prices… if Hannah can barely afford rent, how can she afford that much cocaine?

-Am I the only one who thinks Hannah is not overreacting at all to the fact that her gay ex screwed her best friend? Although, I do agree that Hannah makes everything about her.

-Call me crazy, but if a junkie was following me around all night to protect me… I would not be flattered. I would call 911.

-It’s a personal thing, but I hate it when older people constantly talk about the past they grew up in like it was the Golden Era. Stop. I don’t want to hear about how great it was when you were growing up and how awful it was when I was growing up.

-The confrontation scene between Hannah and Marnie was incredible, despite the fact that Allison Williams can barely act during it. Finally we see the tables turn and Hannah bring into the light all the ways in which Marnie has been a bad friend. Perhaps they’ll eventually be able to see that there is never a “good friend” and a “bad friend” and that friendship have cycles and everyone sucks at being a friend now and then. I’m pretty sure I’ve been an awful friend for the past year and a half of my life. It’s not that I want to be, it’s just that life gets in the way sometimes.

-I hope they don’t write Elijah off the show because I love him.

-Hannah, why why WHY did you make out with the junkie with the strange beanie WHY?!