How to be Friends With a Vegan

By Stefani Williams on January 11, 2013

photo courtesy of daniel vitalis

She was the coolest cat I had seen in a long time; she dressed like she was from the fifties, victory rolled her hair like a pinup girl and was obsessed with cats and records. Intimidated at first, I was finally introduced and realized that she was very approachable, and our friendship blossomed. For the purposes of this story I will call her Pauline.

Pauline and I had been friends for a few weeks when she said the words that made me cringe: “I’m a vegan.” I must admit that one of the first thoughts I had was “Oh no here we go, I’m not going to like her anymore.” I was stereotyping this vegan based on the experience I have had with other non-meat eaters in the years before. I believed that she was going to start pushing her beliefs on me and arguing with me about my meat eating ways, as others had before her. I never thought that we would get along because I have very different values.

I grew up in Ohio, which is largely country rather than city, and fishing and hunting are considered popular pass-times. All of the men in my family enjoy hunting and regularly go on weekend trips to my grandfather’s woods to chase various animals. When I was younger I always thought hunting was a normal thing, and that eating a deer or rabbit that my dad had caught wasn’t a big deal. We have deer heads hanging up on our walls and antlers scattered around the house, and I have a hound dog that was born and bred to flush rabbits out for hunters.

photo courtesy of destination360

My point is, hunting and killing animals, along with consuming them was always normal to me growing up, and I never had any qualms about eating what had once been a living creature. I would not consider myself heartless, I love animals and in fact want to devote my career to doing something to help them, but these views are so completely different from what a vegan feels, and I was afraid that my new friend Pauline would completely hate my thoughts and try to change my way. I could not have been more wrong.

Not only does Pauline rarely bring up the subject of her veganism except in certain circumstances (such as if she is offered a food that she can’t eat, or if she is asked a question by someone else) she doesn’t try to shove her thoughts down other people’s throats, a quality that I greatly appreciate. She also has the patience to answer any and every question I have ever asked her about her beliefs, and politely listened to mine, although I am confident that she absolutely disagrees with my views.

I had finally found a vegan who went against the stereotype and was able to be respectful, even when hearing things that go against the way she lives. This relationship is possible because we are both understanding and respectful of one another, and even though I may think that some of the ideas she has are unnecessary, or she believes that some of mine are barbaric, we get along because we listen to one another. I really enjoy hearing what she has to say because her way of eating and living is so different than mine. Instead of cursing her and thinking she is stupid because she doesn’t agree with me, I relish the opportunity to learn about how another person lives.

I know that not all vegans are inconsiderate, and I know that there are obnoxious carnivores out there as well, but this is an example of two people who live their lives in completely different ways and can still be friends. It just goes to show that if people are willing to be nice and respectful of one another, they can form a friendship based on what they have in common, and not hate the other for their differences. Pushing your view on another person to try to convert them to your way of thinking will never get you anywhere. Understanding and consideration can lead to a world of new ideas, and open up the possibilities of who you interact with.

And that is how you befriend a vegan.