A Few Things Not to Say to Gay People

It seems to me that a lot of straight people have no idea how to act around gay people.  When people find out I’m gay, there is almost always a moment of awkwardness with that realization.  It’s usually one of two extremes.  Either people are brash and disrespectful, or act as if they are walking on eggshells.  So, just to make things easier for you heteros, I’m going to just lay out a few things not to say to gay people.

1. “How long have you been gay?”

That’s like asking someone how long they’ve been Canadian.  You might as well just ask their age and save yourself some time and embarrassment.  The fact of the matter is, some people are born gay; just like some people are born straight.  Being gay isn’t the result of some childhood trauma or an overbearing mother.  Sexuality, like our height or eye color, is out of our control.

1. “I’m totally cool with gays.  My (insert family member here) is gay.”

Nine times out of ten, we don’t care about your girlfriend’s brother’s best friend who just happens to be gay.  Furthermore; if one of the first things you need to say to a gay person is “I don’t mind that you’re gay” says something sad about our society.  I for one do not expect everyone to blindly hate me for my sexuality.  All this little disclaimer does for you is make you seem really uncomfortable with the situation.

1. “You’re the coolest gay guy ever!”

Not exactly a compliment.  This phrase gets thrown around a lot.  It often comes into play when a straight man befriends a gay man.  In order to show how “cool” he is with his new friend being gay, he will tell him “You’re the coolest gay guy ever.”  Aside from being a lie, this compliment is extremely backhanded.  This comes from the stereotype that gay men aren’t “cool.”  You can’t just make these general statements about people based on stereotypes.  It’s like saying “You’re the hardest working black person ever!”  See how much worse that sounds?  It’s really the same principal as “You’re the coolest gay guy ever.”

Sadly, first impressions mean a lot.  So when you open up a conversation with a gay person like this, things could go sour.  If you want to avoid awkward moments, I would steer clear of these phrases.