Fantasy Football: The Three Types of Owners

The Buffalo Bills’ C.J. Spiller swooned fantasy football owners in the fledgling weeks of the NFL.

For those of us who never made an impact in the wide world of sports, fantasy football provides a unique opportunity.  It allows a medium of gathering around friends, colleagues, and family via the National Football League.  There are many reasons for joining an online league.  Fantasy opens an attractive window- one that allows an owner to outwit his or her peers, flex their football I.Q., or win various prizes.  Some leagues play for money, some play for trophies (as seen on FX’s The League), but many compete solely for bragging rights.  This article will describe some of the characters seen in this American pastime.

The Overbearing League Owner

He once predicted Arian Foster’s extravagent fantasy outbreak… ten years before it happened.  He’s never lost an argument.  Tom Brady invites him to his house biweekly.  He is… The Cockiest Owner in the World.  Virtually every league has the sports freak friend that is omniscient.  Ask him yourself!  He claims to have more athletic knowledge than the rest of the league combined.  Fantasy football rankings, ratings, predictions, and insider apps are his weapons of choice.  The rest of the league loves to hate him, and somehow, his self-proclaimed powerhouse squadron will never win the league.  All negative connotations aside, we all thank the owner for giving us the divine gift of a fantasy football league.

Members of FX’s The League and their trophy, the “Shiva Cup.”

His name most likely isn’t Casper (wouldn’t that be cool).  Winning percentage has never been a priority for the ghost.  He wasn’t at the draft, so the media website was trusted to auto-draft his team.  There are only two routes for the ghost with regards to a fantasy football record.  Option 1) Without updating his roster all season, the absentee’s team becomes the ’11 Indianapolis Colts, losing every match-up without competition; Option 2) Without updating his roster all season, the absentee’s team claims the best record in the league. More often than not, the ghost takes an obscene amount of time to realize how good his team is, and for that, the league resents him.

The Trader

Guilty as charged, America.  Also known as the Headcase, this owner is always trying to make outlandish, blockbuster trades in hopes of advancing his mediocre team.  The owner doesn’t take into account that his team is already good.  The star power of big-name, fashionable players like Robert Griffin III, Reggie Bush, and Cam Newton is the bane of the trader’s existence.  By luring him in,  predatory owners can get solid players who may not have the glitz or glamor of over-hyped superstars.

I, personally, wish all of you fantasy owners out there a prosperous season- unless you’re in my leagues, then I wish upon you a season to forget.  Remember kids, when you’re competing for those respective incentives, don’t over analyze.  It will be very tempting to criticize every player on the future league champs.  Trust your draft picks.  Utilize excellent kickers, draft sleepers, and conceive a creative and “punny” name.  Stay thirsty, my friends.