The Diary of a Girl in Student Bonfire

picture from burn 2010

It’s Sunday, September 16, 2012, at 5:30 in the morning. I just woke up, and I’m getting ready to go build the hell outta Bonfire. This is my third year participating, and there are definitely times when I wonder to myself, “Why am I doing this? Why am I going out there?” You see, even though in the real world women are breaking down the glass ceiling, in the Bonfire world, we’ve barely made a crack, and the glass is tinted. Granted, I would never want to see a woman as a red pot, just like I don’t want to see a female pastor in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod. Some things shouldn’t change.

But I would like to see more respect. Even if you are a girl in a leadership position, you don’t get treated the same as a boy who is allegedly your equal. Sure, guys can do more work than I can because they’re bigger than me, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not doing MY best. When I was in charge of a crew last year, I made every cut and designated stack, even though I didn’t have to. Yes, as a chief, you’re “supposed” to go to everything, but the whole thing is voluntary. I could have said no when I was asked to be in charge, and that would have been a hell of a burden on the girl who was in charge before me. But no, I took up the slack, and I can officially say that I was the last chief of SBK, since the corps took those dorms back. And I helped with the transition to Aston. Once again, I could have dumped the responsibility on the girl after me and said, “You’re on your own kid; I’m doneskies.” Yet, part of me still wanted to see this crew succeed.

picture of stack 2010

Being a part of one of two all-girl crews, it’s even harder out there. People don’t expect much from us because we’re so few, and not all strong. And when we do some work, hardly anyone is there to give us the credit we deserve. No, I’m not saying that I want a gold star or something every time we cut down a huge tree, but would it kill you to throw a, “Hey, not bad for a bunch of girls,” every once in a while? I mean, we’re out there, busting our asses for something bigger than ourselves. And what do we get? A bunch of dirty looks and snide remarks about how we need to be making sandwiches.

uploaded to Facebook by Katie Smith

Now, you’re probably thinking, “Why DO you still go out there if it’s as bad as you make it out to be?” Well here’s where it all gets better. I’m not out there for me, or to try and prove anything. I’m not out there for my crew. I’m not out there for anyone else that is out there. I’m out there for the 12 that we lost in 1999. I’m there to honor the work that they did, and to memorialize their efforts. Yes, you go out to bonfire memorial every November, and maybe you’ve been to a burn or two, but nothing is the same after you’ve been out there yourself. Go out to a cut, or a stack, hell, go to both. Pick up an ax and swing on some trees. Carry logs to perimeter. Go through some tough shit with your fish buddies. And make some of the best friends of your life. You’ll see everything in a completely different light. For those of you wondering why we still are building bonfire even though we aren’t playing Texas, it’s because it was never really about the game in the first place. It was, is, and always will be about the camaraderie and putting your love for the school into something tangible. And after the collapse, for some of us, it became something more.