Let's Get Real About Pumpkin Spice Lattes

Fall is finally here. I know this not because the weather is cooling, because it’s not, and not because the leaves are falling, because they’re not. I don’t see anybody wearing a sweater, or even long pants, and I can’t spot any scarecrows nearby. It’s a blazing 99 degrees and people are handing out free water bottles on the street, but it’s fall. I know this for certain, because the Pumpkin Spice Latte came out.

Photo by Alizabeth Horsley

Facebook was abuzz for days in anticipation of this hallowed beverage, and it might as well have been Christmas morning when my campus Starbucks opened its doors to reveal new orange posters encouraging us to “reunite with fall flavors.” Pumpkin Spice after Pumpkin Spice was called out on the bar, occasionally interrupted by Salted Caramel Macchiatos and even more rarely by drinks for coffee lovers who, like me, don’t give an espresso-shot what “Starbucks season” it is. The fact is, as exciting as it is to welcome psuedo-fall with new flavors, the flavors themselves are less than momentous.

Nowhere is this more obvious than in the case of the poor Pumpkin Spice Latte.

“The Pumpkin Spice Latte is fall’s favorite drink,” Starbucks.com says. “Signature espresso blended with the unmistakable spices of fall – cinnamon, nutmeg and clove – smooth with steamed milk and topped with delectably sweetened whipped cream. When it’s time to fall back into fall, sweet and spicy pumpkin is sure to please.” Cute! Except it doesn’t.

I guess there’s nothing inherently wrong with it, other than the fact that those “unmistakable fall spices” are readily available at the counter to be added in to any drink, like a regular latte, for example, which will cost you $3.00 for a Tall instead of the Pumpkin Spice’s proud $3.75. And I can’t even start with the Salted Caramel Brûlée whatever it is. If I wanted a salty beverage, I’d be heading to Chevy’s to order me a margarita. Yuck.

Really what you’re ordering when you ask for a fall drink is a sentimental feeling, the reminder that sweater weather is better weather, even when it’s technically still two weeks away.

I don’t mean to be the Grinch who stole fall or Starbucks; they’re two of my most favorite things. And I’m not here just to save you a few cents either. I just want to remind my fellow Starbucks-goers that wishful thinking and romanticizing can make anything taste like heaven in a cup. I had to remind myself, too. And I’m counting on someone to remind me again on November 2nd, when red cups arrive. (I know I’m not the only one counting down- there’s an entire website.) Just remember that Starbucks isn’t your fairy godmother, Cinderella. It can’t turn a pumpkin into something magical. It’s just a pumpkin. It’s just a drink. And it’s just an inkling of fall- we’ve still got two weeks to go.