Things America Should've Discouraged (Part 2)

Yup. Still angry about things, America.

Jeggings- When will people learn that these are just never appropriate? They’re not pants! They’re tacky and if women keep insisting on wearing them, then I will insist on wearing boxers to class.

Katie Holmes- It’s a little sad that since Dawson’s Creek, the only substantial role Hollywood has bestowed upon Katie Holmes was in Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins and as Tom Cruise’s beard. She was quickly replaced in the Batman sequel by the equally tired-looking Maggie Gyllenhaal (Still love you, babe). She also got tired of being a beard to an insane scientologist and peaced out. We’re on the right track with this one, America. Keep discouraging her because I’m jealous that she got so famous for doing NOTHING.

Homophobia- This should go without saying, but what people do in their private lives is not a reason to hate them. Its 2012, America. If you see homophobia you need to squash that shizz, pronto.

Photo by ncc_badiey via Flickr.com

“Keep calm and Carry on” merch. – I think this one has become pretty discouraged, but I still feel the need to bring it up. If I have to walk into one more dorm room of one more high strung girl and see a “keep calm and carry on” poster, I won’t be so freaking calm! When I am having a mental breakdown because my TV isn’t working and I can’t watch the BET Awards, I don’t need some pompous twit to tell me to keep calm and carry on. I’ll be calm when I’m dead. I need to see Beyoncé now! Riot girl fit!

Cosmopolitan Sex Advice- Sometimes when I read the sex tips from Cosmo, I wonder if anyone on the Cosmo staff has ever actually had sex. I’m guessing not because they have tips like “tickle his left ear and simultaneously feed him a pickle during a make-out sesh.” Women of America, stop taking advice from these crazed housewives whacked out on Xanax.

The Big Bang Theory- I saved this one for last because I’m sure people won’t agree with me. There is something about this sitcom that is like crack to Americans. They seem to enjoy awkward people speaking awkward dialogue in awkward situations. Essentially the show is about a bunch of socially-inept nerds fawning over an attractive “cool” blonde. This show needs to stop being nominated for Emmys because it’s just awful. America, I expected you to have better taste in comedy. I guess I expected too much!