Relationships were not made for the Selfish

By Justine Wang on August 16, 2012

The fact that we should not be waiting around for the famous Prince Charming is a well-known tidbit our generation has come to view as wisdom. However, are we absolutely sure we are completely taking this advice?

Not everyone is preoccupied with finding a mate, but for those possibly deluded romantics and secretly hopeful cynics out there that are still in the search, there seems to be a very skewed perspective of the phrase “not looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right.” Although the reality that a movie character isn’t going to materialize in front of us is already very clear, the character of Prince Charming or Mrs. Right (or a gender neutral Right) is more complex than we thought.

Both “Prince Charming” and “Mrs. Right” are terms that people have come to see as the one-dimensional figure that is too perfect to exist. Yet, people don’t seem to be able to stop preoccupying themselves with finding “The One” in their own lives. I wouldn’t consider myself an “expert” at anything really, but I think I’ve seen enough and had my fair share of experiences to know what and what not to look for in a relationship—if you’re willing to be foolish enough to want one. Thus, I propose my list of golden rules, which only amount up to four:

1. Don’t make an impossible list of requirements for a potential partner. Maybe you’re thinking to yourself, “I know Prince Charming doesn’t exist so I’m just gonna make a list of things to look for that should cut human beings some slack.” Newsflash: You are still looking for Prince Charming! In fact, you’re purposely making him a more complex character for yourself. Perhaps finding a person who is musically talented, intelligent, has a high-paying job, is athletic, is not too tall or too short and decides to love you back–oh, AND is incredibly attractive–sounds less mystical than Prince Charming, but you (and hundreds, maybe thousands of other people out there) are still forming an ideal in your mind of an impossible human being.

2. There is no such thing as a person who completes you, nor is there a person out there who will cater to all of your needs and desires. If you’re looking for someone whom you expect will always respect you and try to work everything out just for you without you having to put in the same effort, you’ll most likely be dead before you find a relationship that is actually happy, healthy, and beneficial.
3. One of the biggest reasons relationships fail is a combination of pride and selfishness—at the fault of both parties (or more, if you’re into that kind of stuff). Think about it: there’s no way a relationship will work if only one person was putting their share of work. There would be no balance in that, and a relationship where no one does the work is hardly a relationship at all. You are not the only one benefiting from the relationship and no one is going to last very long trying to submit to your personality and qualities.

4. Lastly, everyone is their own person. If you can’t enjoy your own life when you’re single, you will most certainly not be able to enjoy it more in a relationship.