What to Do When Your Child Dislikes the Babysitter

Hiring a babysitter inherently comes with pitfalls. How do you ensure they align with your parenting needs? Do you set up a trial run to assess compatibility? Even simply asking yourself, what are the dos and don’ts of hiring a babysitter? But sometimes there’s an unexpected bigger question at hand. What do you do if your child and babysitter don’t get along?

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A babysitter can check all the boxes up front, but that doesn’t mean your child will like them once they are left alone with them. So how do you mitigate the tension? Below is a checklist to help your child and babysitter become best friends and give you peace of mind.

The list is divided into three sections: Building a Bond, Managing Transitions, and One-on-One Talks.

Building a Bond

The biggest arsenal you have is building a bond between your babysitter and child. Sometimes, a child may not like their babysitter because they view them as just another adult who’s not fun to be around. To retrain that thought, you can try:

• Initial Meet-and-Greet: Have the sitter visit while you are home to play for a few minutes. This allows them to meet in a low-stakes environment. You can frame this as a “friend” coming by, which can make the babysitter appear more friendly and approachable.
• Positive Talk: Before they arrive, get your child excited about how much fun they are. Talk about how much you enjoyed talking to them initially, such as shared hobbies or TV shows, and how excited they are to play for the afternoon.
• “Sitter-Only” Treats: To reinforce positive behavior, offer your child a special toy, game, or snack that only appears when the babysitter is there. They will likely associate this reward with the babysitter in a positive light.
• Engaging Activities: Encourage your sitter to get on your child’s level. Teach them to play the way you do, tell jokes, and listen to your child’s interests. Get involved as well, so your child feels less alone if this is during a trial run. These activities can include playing outside, such as tag, or inside with their Legos to build something, which can reinforce collaboration skills.

Managing Transitions

Most kids don’t like being left alone, even after a trial run. Speaking from personal experience, I was notorious for crying every time my parents dropped me off at daycare because I wanted them to stay with me, even though I eventually came to like my teachers. This is because kids associate a babysitter’s appearance with a parent’s disappearance. After a while, once the transitions became routine and I had a better sense of time, it was easier for me to get through the day and look forward to seeing them when I got back. To follow in a similar suit, you can try:

• Keep “See you later’s” Consistent: Consistency is the best policy to follow, so your child knows when you are leaving and coming back. Often, framing it as a “See you later” rather than a “Goodbye” can make the transition less painful, knowing it is only a temporary separation. Try to leave and return at the same time, give the same kisses and hugs, and let them know that you’ll be back before they know it.
• Do Not Sneak Out: This destroys trust because they may feel abandoned. They might take this out on the babysitter, which could lead to more tension brewing between them. Ensure your child knows you are leaving and that you will return.
• Start Small: Begin with short, daytime sessions to build confidence before jumping into long, evening, or bedtime sessions. As you increase the time, it will become easier for them to handle long days at work or on the road, since they were not abruptly shifted from having you 24/7 to being gone for 4-8 hours at a time.

One-on-One Talks

Even with these tips, your child may still not like the babysitter. This is where parental guidance comes into play. It’s not to say you want to undermine the babysitter or your child, but it’s up to you as a parent to help bridge the gap between them so you can have peace of mind when they are left alone. To help yourself and them, try:

• Remain Calm: Children pick up on stress. If you are anxious or guilty, they will feel it, so stay calm and confident. During your talks with your child, ask them:
  • Are you upset with me leaving you alone with the sitter?
  • Are you sad that I’m not home as much?
  • What would you want to do with the sitter to have fun?
• Support the Sitter: If the child acts out, support the sitter’s authority rather than intervening. This reinforces that they are the ones in charge of the child while also showing respect to them. During your one-on-one talks with your sitter, ask them:
  • What does my child say or do after I leave? Do they express more anger or sadness?
  • How do they respond to fun activities vs routines? Are they more attentive, distracted, or defiant?
  • How are you handling this? Are you stressed, overwhelmed, or a little sad? How can I help you if you are feeling this way?

If the child continues to dislike the sitter after trying these, it may be a personality mismatch, and finding a new, more compatible caregiver may be necessary. But, you should give this time as building a relationship is not an overnight success. With hard work and patience, your child and their babysitter can have a strong bond that leaves you feeling secure when you go out.