Ensuring Babysitter Consistency During a Divorce

Divorces are already difficult to handle, especially when you have children involved. When you have a babysitter, this involves them as well. How do you navigate these changes while employing a babysitter? The babysitter often gets caught in the middle, but there is no reason for them to choose sides. Both parents can and should keep the same babysitter during a divorce as this helps your child manage this and keep something in their life stable and consistent.

While you are so focused on your child, don’t forget that your babysitter deserves consistency as well. How can you best help your babysitter navigate these changes and ensure consistency for everyone involved during a divorce?

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Routines

Routines should stay as similar as possible for both your babysitter and your children. While there may be different places to take care of the child and pick them up, it is in your best interest to keep routines similar if not identical. This includes regular meals, naps, and bedtimes, as well as any extracurricular activities. Your babysitter can keep following the same routine as normal, regardless of what duties they usually take on.

A divorce is not the time to take your kid out of their clubs or sports, unless absolutely necessary. This way, your babysitter’s schedule will not change and they will keep doing the same things as before.

Consistent Rules

If you and your ex have split into different living environments, you must keep the rules the same for your babysitter’s sake. It will be very difficult if rules change and they have to remember which place has what rules. For example, candy is not allowed in one home but is in the other. If your babysitter is trying to enforce the rule of no candy, but the parent undermines them and says candy is allowed in this home, that puts the babysitter in a difficult situation.

As enticing as it may be to try and win your child over by “breaking the rules,” this only ruins the consistency for everyone. Your babysitter will have a difficult time adjusting to this and you may risk losing them.

Keep a Calendar

One thing you can do to keep consistency during a challenging time of differing schedules is to make and keep a calendar for your whole family, babysitter included. It can be an electronic calendar or something physical, but it should be something everyone can look at, in addition to your child so they also know what is going on.

This calendar can contain information such as which days your child is with certain parents, appointments, activities, as well as regular routines that you are sticking to. This way, your babysitter has something they can physically look at and refer to when getting ready for the day and prepare for what is ahead.

Open Communication

Open communication is best for everyone involved, but this includes multiple main points. First, under no circumstances should you use your babysitter or child as a messenger between you and your ex, even if it involves the children. Instead, communicate with the other parent using chatting apps or phone calls. When you do this, it can be incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for the sitter to be used as a go-between and again, might make them quit. You are the adults, you can communicate with your ex regardless of how much you do not like them.

Second, be open with your sitter about the changes that are happening. Do not thrust big changes upon them without talking to them first. They need to be aware of what is happening in their work schedule. If you start needing them more, tell them that instead of leaving them working, waiting for you to get home. By communicating your expectations, they can adjust to this more easily and will feel comfortable enough to voice any concerns they may have. Express that they can come to you as much as they need to so that everyone speaks clearly and openly.

Discuss Payment

Lastly, you need to keep payment consistent during the divorce, including when they expect pay and their wage. You can speak with the other co-parent on how to split it, but you should not decrease the babysitter’s pay during the divorce. They should expect the same hourly rate so they can keep the job. A raise is okay, especially since they may be doing more traveling on the job, but that is the only change they should expect, if at all. If this is necessary, speak with your babysitter to see what you can do going forward.

Do not argue about payment in front of the babysitter as this will, once again, make them very uncomfortable working with you.

There are many things you can and should do to ensure babysitter consistency during a divorce that will make everyone’s life easier and just a little more stable during such a difficult period.