How to Confront an Unwanted Roommate

Many college students encounter an unwanted roommate at some point in their academic pursuits. Maybe you were assigned a random roommate that you had nothing in common with, or you moved in with a friend that just isn’t the right fit for sharing personal space. Whichever the reason, it can be difficult to muster the courage to confront an unwanted roommate because you don’t want to hurt their feelings or make things more awkward and uncomfortable than they already are. However, in the end, confronting your unwanted roommate is the best decision and it should improve your overall college experience.

When I was a freshman, a friend of mine from high school and I moved into a forced-triple dorm room with a random roommate neither of us had ever met. Unfortunately, my friend and I’s schedules severely clashed with the third roommate’s schedule, as he had to wake up early in the morning for training while we had afternoon classes and liked to stay out at night. Friction and animosity grew, but for the first few weeks, we decided we would still give the rooming situation a chance mostly because we were nervous to confront him. Then, as living with our unwanted roommate continued to be difficult, I finally decided to ask him about a change one random time when it was just him and I in the room. He responded in an extremely positive manner and we were able to successfully plan for him to move out at the end of the semester. It was far easier than my friend and I had built it up to be in our heads, but I think it could have gone much worse if I had gone about the confrontation differently.

Address Them in Person

This pointer may come off as obvious but it is very important to speak face-to-face with an unwanted roommate. You are going to have to discuss specifics with them and they will be more inclined to compromise and hash things out if they are sitting down in front of you. I approached my unwanted roommate without warning, which helped with negotiating the rooming situation because he was kind of caught-off-guard and hadn’t planned what he wanted to say ahead of time. Nonetheless, you should make sure they are in a relatively good mood before you approach them about moving out.

In contrast, I see how some people would want to be warned prior to having such a discussion. Therefore, planning out a time and place to sit down with your roommate could be a better option if you think they would be offended by being put on the spot.

Keep Everything Non-Personal

If you want to change rooming assignments with an unwanted roommate and you want it to go smoothly, then make sure you do not attack them personally. You may also want to maintain a healthy relationship with the person afterward. You may still like them but you just don’t necessarily want to live with them. Don’t get into too many specifics about what you don’t like about their living habits or their personality. Don’t hamper the conversation with the pet peeves you hold or other trivial reasons that make you not want to live with them. Try to find common ground with them and find important reasons for a change that both parties can agree with. Additionally, the rooming situation may not change immediately so you may have to continue living with them for a portion of time regardless of how the discussion goes. Be kind and respectful.

Highlight How They Benefit

This is more for the tail end of the discussion where a plan for someone to move out has already been established. Surely, you will want to highlight their benefits rather subtly and not overly in their face. For instance, don’t say any flippant, self-deprecating remarks such as, “Well at least now you don’t have to worry about me leaving my socks in the bathroom. I know you hate that.”

Instead, possibly inquire where they would want to live on campus next, what kind of room they want or if they have a friend they want to room with. It will draw the conversation out of the original confrontation and should leave them on a positive note. Talking with them about their plans following the change shows that you care about them and you can still maintain a healthy relationship with them afterward.

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