Attack of the Helpers

Ever heard the expression “too many cooks in the kitchen”? That’s the problem I always seem to have. All my life I’ve been plagued by “helping hands”, or “helpers” as I call them. Wait a second, you think, that’s not a problem! Oh, but surely it is. I love to help people out; it’s just in my nature. I see someone struggling with something that I have no problem with, and my heart goes out to them. I try to help them understand it the way I do. Now don’t get me wrong, “helpers” are great…when asked for. When I say that I’ve been plagued by helping hands all my life, I mean that I’ve been surrounded by helpful people all of my life. The only problem is that they’re too helpful. I don’t know about you, but I feel that there is a line between being helpful, and being controlling. My “problem” with them is that it’s never just “help” that they’re offering. They’re help turns into them taking over whatever project it is that I’m working on. Still not a problem, you say? To me, it is.

There’s another expression, “give credit where credit is due”. And that’s where my problem lies. I’m anal about the work I do. I’m proud of it. I put a lot of effort and energy into it, and I want the credit it deserves. However, when someone takes over my project, and then I have to hand in their work as “my own”, I don’t want that credit. It wasn’t mine. Telling me how amazing it is, and what a good job I’ve done does nothing for me when it’s not my work.

Thankfully, I haven’t had that problem with my school work since I entered middle school, I finally put my foot down, but there were numerous projects in elementary school that I received praise for when it wasn’t even my work. Asking my mom to cut something out, or for a tiny bit of help on one certain part turned into her taking over my entire project, creating a work of her own, and not even allowing me to help out with it because she knew how to do it and do it right. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom and appreciate all of the things she’s done for me in my life, but I enjoy the feeling of satisfaction with a job well done. Having someone else doing my projects for me didn’t give me that satisfaction; instead, it just gave me guilt and shame. Guilt that it was someone else’s work and shame that I was still turning it in and claiming it as mine when I knew it wasn’t. (What else was I supposed to do? A chronic procrastinator, I would always wait until the last minute, so there would be no time to do another project that was completely mine. Besides, I started it on my own with the intention of finishing it on my own, motherly intervention just made it otherwise.)

I am thankful that I no longer have anyone try to take over my school work, especially now that I’m in college—I’m here to learn, I won’t learn anything if everyone else is doing my work for me. However, I find that in my work and personal life, I’m noticing more and more how many “helpers” are out there. It’s like I said earlier, there’s nothing wrong with being helpful; it’s done with good intentions. But there is something wrong when you become controlling about it. Doing someone’s work for them is not helping them; it’s doing quite the opposite. Life, like school, is filled with obstacles that we must overcome to move forward; it’s a learning experience. How are you ever going to learn if you never do anything for yourself? If you don’t know how to deal with these “helpers”, know that it is ok to say no. If you’re like me, saying no to people is one of the hardest things to do—I don’t like to disappoint. You don’t have to be rude about it, just let them know that this is something you have to do for yourself. If that doesn’t work, snatch your project and run away as fast as you can. They’ll get the hint.