A Series of Open Letters: An FSU Student's Lament

By Catherine Frederick on November 18, 2017

Dear Person Who Drives Off Without Leaving Your Insurance Information,

You, sir/ma’am, are an asshole. All of the damage done to my car was done to it while I wasn’t even in it. Twice, it happened when I was parked on two different sections of the curb on my own street just feet away from the house that I am currently living in. Once, it happened in a PetSmart parking lot. I kid you not, I was buying formula for orphaned kittens. And I came back out to find my car had been hit and the culprit had driven off without leaving any sort of insurance information behind.

My insurance doesn’t cover things like random damage done by inconsiderate assholes. It covers car crashes. Other people’s thoughtlessness is not covered. It really should be, though, because it’s happened so many times.

So, here’s what I really want to tell you, people who hit and run. Stop thinking of only yourself, you self-centered, inconsiderate prick. You don’t want to pay for the damage you cause? Maybe be more aware of your surroundings. Maybe stop doing damage. Your thoughtlessness or distraction causing damage may be seen as an accident to you, but that doesn’t erase the damage that you do. It being an accident doesn’t absolve you of your culpability. Your regret doesn’t erase the damage done.


Dear Teacher Whose Slideshows Don’t Help You Study,

Stop it. I get that we should be in class if we want to fully understand the material, but sometimes, that just isn’t possible for us. Our grades shouldn’t suffer based off of just one missed class. We should be able to go back and do the readings and read the slideshow and have a pretty solid idea of what, exactly, it is that we’re learning. If we do both of those things and still have no idea what’s going on, then fix your slideshow. They should be made to help us learn, not help remind you what you’re lecturing on.

 Dear Teacher That Demands Doctors’ Notes:

We can’t go to the hospital for everything. If we have a 24-hour stomach bug that leaves us unable to get off the toilet to go to your class, we sure as hell aren’t going to make it to a clinic or hospital, either. We’re going to wait it out and hope we don’t die. We can’t afford to go the hospital every time we’re throwing up. Do you know how often college students throw up? We don’t know how to cook. We’re constantly poisoning ourselves. I’m not saying excuse us for our hangovers, but maybe give your students the benefit of the doubt.

Dear Empty Plot of Land on Campus,

Please, please, please turn into a parking garage. We constantly see construction on pieces of land like you, and, for a brief instance, we have hope. Then, you always, inevitably turn into a new dorm building. Do you know how difficult it is to find parking on campus around 10? It’s impossible. I’ve parked in the Civic Center parking lot more than once and then walked all the way to HCB. Sometime, though, even that is closed. There’s nowhere to park on an entire college campus. So, please stop it with the new dorm buildings. We don’t need more students. We need more parking.

 Dear FSU Bus App,

You’re the worst. Sometimes, you don’t know where your buses are. Instead of giving me a list of convenient times when you’re going to show up, you say ‘no prediction,’ instead. Which is super fun on days where it’s freezing cold or raining. Sometimes, though, you do have times. You’ll be 23 minutes away. So, I’ll set an alarm for 13 minutes. Theoretically, this should give me 10 minutes to walk to the bus stop. Sometimes, though, you’ll tell me that my bus is 23 minutes away, and when I double check 7 minutes later, you tell me that my bus is now 3 minutes away, and even if I were to sprint, I would never make it to my bus stop on time. Oh, also, the next bus won’t be here for another 40 minutes.


Dear Dog,

Please stop jumping on me in the mornings. You’re adorable, but I’m sleep deprived.

Dear Family,

I know there’s a couple of holiday gatherings in our future, but please, get together before hand and collaborate, so you don’t all ask me the same questions over and over. How’s college? Do you like your classes? How are you doing in your classes? What’s your major? What do you plan on doing after you graduate? Please, ask me something that isn’t related to college. You’re going to give me a nervous breakdown. This holiday is supposed to be my break from breakdowns.

Dear Friends,

Please stop being so mean to yourselves.

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