Why Forgiveness Is Important

Many people like to hold grudges when someone’s done them wrong. I hear people say all the time, “God forgives, I don’t.”

Once upon a time, I looked at those people with admiration or even envy. I was always the one in my friend group who decided to forgive people no matter the damage. Because of this, I started to feel bad and considered myself a softy or pushover. I never realized how important it was to forgive people. As I grew older, I learned more and more that I wasn’t forgiving for them; I was forgiving for me.

I suppose that my peers associated forgiving with weakness. They thought that forgiving someone meant whatever wrong was done to them would be forgotten and they’d be friends with the wrongdoer all over again as if nothing ever happened in the first place. This is so wrong. In my experience, the idea is to forgive but not forget so you won’t be fooled again.

I’m not anything special in the psychological field, but I think I’ve had enough with the world to learn and understand forgiveness. A couple years ago when I bought my first car, a lady rear-ended it months later. I wasn’t upset with her or anything, but I was a little shaken. It’d been the first accident where someone hit me and I had no clue what I was supposed to do. I took no pictures, called no cops, and barely shared information. All of this would bite me in the ass, and I didn’t know that yet. A whole seven days later, someone hit my car (while it was parked) and caused over $3,000 worth of damage. I had no clue who it was; he didn’t leave a note or anything. I think that’s what started to change my mindset about forgiving people. I started to hate everyone around me.

Weeks later, I got a letter in the mail from the lady’s (the one who hit my car the first time) insurance company. They made a false statement claiming I backed into her and that I was the one at fault. We all knew this was a lie, but I couldn’t prove it. After reading the letter I grew angrier. With my anger came a sense of vengeance. I wanted to call her and tell her about herself. I wanted to go up to her house and give her a piece of my mind. I blamed the world and everyone in it for being shitted on.

The more I cursed at the world, the more I realized that I was the one who let these negative events control my inner peace.  I was the one who was hurt and kept hurting. I was the one angry at my surroundings. I was angry with everything and everyone around me and I began to be angry with myself for being stupid. Why didn’t I take pictures? Why didn’t I know more? Why did I park my car in that spot?

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It took a while and a lot for me to tell myself to forgive those people. I had to forgive them for myself. I realized not forgiving those people and holding onto those grudges didn’t hurt anyone else. It hurt me. The process to forgive wasn’t easy at all, but life became a little easier after I did. So please take it from me. Forgive for YOU so you can heal.