How to Talk With Your Roommate About Their S.O.

By Tamiera Vandegrift on March 9, 2017

Even though it is totally awesome that your roommate has a significant other and you are probably very happy for them, let’s face it: You did not sign up to have an extra roommate. As difficult as it is going to be, it is time to put your foot down. You are sick of their obnoxious PDA, you are sick of their noise when you are trying to sleep or study, and most of all you are sick of your lack of privacy.

Even if your roommate relationship is the best of the best of the best (even if you spend every weekend singing and braiding each other’s hair), having the talk will be challenging. After all, you do not want to tarnish the relationship and make living together awkward, but if you do not address the situation, things will get worse. Read on to learn about the best way to talk with your roommate about their S.O. (significant other).

Set boundaries

Remember: this is your space too. You have as much of a right to the dorm, apartment or house that your roommate does. With that being said, you have a right to your alone time and space. If you need Monday nights to yourself to study, suggest that your roommate and their significant other go out together, or spend the night somewhere else on Mondays. If you want a day to be able to walk around in your underwear without any fear of some random stranger interrupting your time, tell your roommate that you want some time to yourself.

If possible, set these boundaries early on — even if your roommate does not have a significant other at this time. Do not let fear hold you back. After all, again, this is your space. You have a right to your privacy.

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Be honest

Now, before you go and speak with your roommate, think about your reasoning for doing so. Is the significant other eating all of your food? Is the significant other messy? Is the significant other raising the utility bills? What is it about their presence that bothers you? Be honest with your roommate and make sure that you give them your exact reasoning for complaining.

If you dance around the subject or ignore it completely, your roommate will not think that anything is wrong. They will continue to do things the way that they were, and that is not what you want. Instead, open your heart. Catch them at a good time where they are not stressing about school or in the middle of doing something. Do not nag or give any indication of annoyance. Doing this will make your roommate angry or resentful.

Talk to your roommate’s significant other

Storytime. I was the girlfriend that was over at my boyfriend’s house way too much. While it was fine for us, it was not fine for my boyfriend’s roommate. This caused tension in the house, especially between me and his roommate. The tension made me so uncomfortable because I had no idea where it was coming from. I thought his roommate simply did not like me; that was not the case. His roommate had just gotten tired of seeing me over all of the time. The tension would have been saved if my boyfriend’s roommate had been honest about his feelings. We were all friends so it would have been a welcomed discussion.

If you feel comfortable enough, bring it up with your roommate’s significant other. Do not nag them about it, or act annoyed around them. This will only cause tension in the household. Be kind to them but also be firm and honest. The significant other should understand and seek to improve the situation.

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Suggest other solutions

If the love between your roommate and their significant other is just too strong of a tie to break, there is a way to get your way without seeming like a total buzzkill. Encourage your roommate and their significant other to do things outside of the house. If they want to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie when you know that your favorite show is airing a new season, suggest that they go out to see a movie instead. If they want to cook a nice romantic candlelit dinner when you just need to eat Ramen in peace, suggest that they go out to eat at a restaurant of your own recommendation.

If all else fails, just try to find another solution that allows your roommate and their significant other their lovey-dovey time without compromising your privacy and wellbeing. That is a win-win for everyone involved!

Tamiera is a senior at Florida State University, studying Editing, Writing & Media and Digital Media Production. When she's not geeking out about movies and puppy videos, she's on her way to a career in screenwriting, while working intensely to finish a few novels before graduation. Besides writing, Tamiera is otherwise obsessed with Coldplay, feminism, dystopian novels, and various types of junk food. She hopes to see one of her works on the silver screen and eventually finish an entire tube of Chapstick.

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