Living In Fear

When I think about the messages and various tidbits of advice that I received from family and friends prior to starting my studies at the University of Michigan, the only words that come to mind are “be safe.” People constantly spew stories about how to avoid putting yourself in a dangerous, vulnerable situation, giving advice along the lines of dressing modestly, never drinking too much, never walking home alone at night, and so on.

Even though these people have the best intentions when giving these words of advice, I still feel forced to ask the question as to whether or not this is a form of victim blaming. In all honesty, it is.

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I would say that it is time for our population to stand up and fight the epidemic of sexual misconduct, but the truth is that people have been rallying to find justice for the survivors of sexual assault and rape, but for some reason the number of reports of sexual assault are still on the rise. I am disgusted that the only reason why the media has been so inclined to fight the battle against sexual assault is because of yet another case where someone has fallen victim to it. Yes, I am talking about the Stanford rape. Even though I am thrilled that so many people are supporting the survivor during this awful time (I being one of those people), it still does not change the fact that yet another person had to become a victim in order for society to pay attention to the issue of sexual assault at all.

Ask any woman on the planet and I guarantee the majority of them will tell you that their biggest fear is rape and sexual assault. Since I am a college student and cannot speak on behalf of older women in society, I will speak on behalf of young college and high school women everywhere. It is unfair that women, on top of other stressors, have to factor protecting themselves against sexual assault into the mix. I am not by any means saying that women are the only victims of sexual assault, because I know that this is not the case, but the majority of victims of sexual assault are women and I feel that being a woman gives me a unique perspective into what it feels like living in constant fear.

Whether you are a college woman, a mother, a father, a cousin, a sister, a brother, or whoever, attempt to put yourself in the victim’s shoes for a minute. I guarantee that you have drank to excess before. I guarantee that you danced like nobody was watching at a fraternity party before. I guarantee that you have let loose before. Yet, for some reason, Brock Turner used all of these statements as some form of justification for his brutalities. If drinking and dancing at a party were the reasons for sexual assault, then the majority of the population would be in the young victim’s shoes, but guess what, this is far from the case.

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Brock Turner, you and your attorney might be fine with using these unbelievably ignorant excuses as a “get out of jail free card,” but I am here to tell you that unlike the judge’s sentencing, I will not be letting you off easy. I don’t care if a girl is wasted out of her mind and wearing nothing but a bra and panties, you would still not have any right to force yourself upon the girl. You changed the victim’s life in a terrible way. She should not have to relive that nightmare of a night because, even though you and your lawyer suggested this, it is not her fault. You knew she was unconscious. You knew that she did not consent. Yet, here you are still babbling lies into people’s ears.

I want nothing more than for the victim to return to some sense of normalcy and to have her wounds, both physical and emotional, to be healed. I want nothing more than for victims everywhere to have that same sense of solace and peace. However, this cannot happen for most victims because sexual crimes are not taken seriously enough (this incident being the case and point). Too many victims are scared to report rape and/or sexual assault to the police because they fear of being accused of “crying wolf.” Women do not even feel safe in places that should be considered safe-havens:

“Only 16 percent of rapes are ever reported to the police. In a survey of victims who do not report rape or attempted rape to the police, the following was found as to why no report was made: 43 percent thought nothing could be done, 27 percent felt it was a private matter, 12 percent were afraid of police response, and 12 percent felt it was not important enough.” (http://www.ncdsv.org/images/sexualassaultstatistics.pdf)

No person should have to be afraid of the police’s response and no person should ever feel as if their hardship is not important enough. This is the issue that must end in our society. Rape and sexual assault need to be taken more seriously so victims can get justice for what they went through. Let me just say, the fact that 43 percent of victims did not report their rapes because they thought nothing could be done is a reflection of society’s awful treatment of sexual violence.

Isn’t it time to change the conversation? Isn’t it time to start teaching the young population on ways in which to handle situations of sexual assault rather than warning young women about the amount they drink and what they wear? Isn’t it time for more personal and less lecture-based bystander-intervention classes? Isn’t it time for people to live in a world where they don’t need to put on drug-detecting nail polish to test the beverages they are given?

It is time for sexual violence victims to receive some form of justice, a form of justice that goes so far beyond lengthening Brock Turner’s prison sentence. I am talking about justice in the form of changing the conversation and educating people starting at a young age about consent, sexual violence, and bystander intervention. We, men and women everywhere, are looking for a long-term solution, and in order for that to happen, everyone must get on board. Stop the victim blaming. Stop the excuses. Just stop. It is time for change.