6 Considerations Before Getting Into A Long-Distance Relationship

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Whether you met your significant other studying abroad, traveling for leisure, or just in the city where you live, long-distance relationships are not a new innovation that us millennials have unraveled. The only change our society has experienced is the world ‘getting smaller,’ in terms of travel, technology, communication and business.

This allows for people to meet each other from all over the world at their fingertips (e.g. Tinder). Although ‘catfishing’ is now a legitimate concern these days, many individuals find themselves in a long-distance relationship at one point or another.

In this article I will provide tips, advice, and firsthand experience on the dreaded topic of long-distance love.

1. Have a good idea of each other’s schedules. 

When you’re in a relationship with someone, that means you get to be involved in a part of their daily lives. When a couple lives in the same place, at the same time, this becomes a natural habit. Don’t let the distance take that very important aspect away from the relationship. It gets really confusing, and very difficult when you have no idea what your sweetheart is doing. This can also lead to tension, unnecessary fights, and a general disconnected feeling you have toward each other.

However, don’t be overbearing with wanting to know what your significant other is doing at all times. This will surely lead to unnecessary fights, anxiety, and even mistrust of one another. Don’t allow for yourself to be like a mom with a curfew, but more of a best friend with only the best thoughts in mind of your significant other, and having the knowledge of their daily lives. This will allow for a deeper connection, a stable place in the relationship for both of you, and an easy way to include your sweetheart into your life that they are otherwise excluded from.

My schedule is very chaotic, but my boyfriend always remembers the small things I tell him I have to do during the week, and it’s nice to get a message from him telling me “good luck on your presentation” or “have fun at your friend’s birthday party.” It makes me feel like he is a part of my daily life, even though he isn’t able to attend parties, go to concerts, or even just dinner with me.

2. Make your boundaries clear, and set up expectations you have from the relationship. 

Physical distance might be the worst part about the whole situation. It’s so hard coming home after a long day and not being able to snuggle up to my boyfriend and watch Netflix while drinking hot tea (which was exactly our routine when we did live together). IT GETS SUPER LONELY. I am not going to sugar coat that, especially if there is a large time difference, and the other is fast asleep, while you are wide awake (such as in my case).

However, it is extremely important to make boundaries that are applied when you are apart. Some couples find that an open relationship works for them. Others are very set on a monogamous situation. In my opinion, it’s all okay! As long as it is talked about, the other is content, and happy with the boundaries put in place, and it works out for the relationship instead of damaging it.

3. Don’t over-communicate, but don’t under-communicate either! It’s all about the balance. Be realistic as well. 

Facebook, Skype, Facetime, Instagram, Whatsapp (my personal fave), Snapchat, Twitter, iMessage … You name it! There are endless ways for you two to keep in touch. That should be a long distance relationship’s dream, right? Well … Not necessarily. I think that so many cute love stories from the good ol’ days are partially because communication was limited to letters, and landline phone calls. How did people even manage?! I don’t know, but I think there is something very beautiful about that.

Although it is important to keep tabs on your significant other’s schedule, it is not imperative to chat with them every second of the day. Give yourself time to live in your reality, to breath, to think. It gets hard when there is a time difference and you have to plan around sleeping schedules, but don’t feel the pressure to have to talk with your honey for endless hours.

4. Showgoers. Showgoers. Showgoers. 

Seriously though, this Google Chrome extension has been a life saver. It allows for two or more people to stream Netflix in sync. It’s so amazing, I can’t even explain with words. However, there are a lot of other activities you two can do together during your time apart! From online games to falling asleep on Skype together, just get creative!

Also sending letters or packages are always nice ways to reach out to each other. It is very special to know that your significant other has touched all of the objects that you receive. I always spray my perfume on the letter or package I send my boyfriend, and give a bright red, lipstick kiss on the pages I write for him. As corny, or cheesy as that is, I can’t deny that it adds a nice personal touch.

Also, before my boyfriend and I departed, we bought each other cuddly stuffed animals that would be our makeshift cuddle buddies for the coming months (yes, I know, major cheesy alert!). But I love waking up, and falling asleep with my fluffy donkey; it makes me think of my darling. And he always sends me photos of the little penguin I gave him.

5. Set a goal in mind for when you will be together (temporarily) or finally, and forever and ever. 

It is important to know when you will be together again. This gives you both something to look forward to! And that’s always nice! It’s important to keep the motivation, and energy of the relationship going by making it a plan to finally be together again, even if it’s just for a visit. Ultimately, it has to be made known when, and if you two can ever be together again. If the answer is never, then either start to really enjoy sleeping alone, or make the decision of the relationship’s future accordingly.

In addition, while you are apart, start making a list of everything you want to do with your darling when you see them. My boyfriend is coming to visit me very soon (down to our final month of separation!), and he has never been to America, so everyday I am always thinking of ideas, or places to show him. It will be so nice when he can actually see the realities of my daily life, instead of only seeing them via Whatsapp and Skype.

It is always nice to be with your loved one where you can actually hug them, touch them, and cuddle. So make this a high priority if you are contemplating, or have just begun a long-distance relationship. It is very important!

6. Realize when the relationship is not working, and end it if it is draining your happiness and/or well-being. 

If there are extensive amounts of mistrust, jealousy, anxiety, or emotional abuse, then it’s time to walk away. On the flip side to that, you won’t have any awkward run-ins with them where you live (hopefully). But seriously take a step back from it all, and if you realize you are not happy, if you are not yourself, or if you’ve become depressed because of this relationship, then, like any other relationship it is time for it to end.

Long-distance undoubtedly adds a lot of pressure to any relationship. With that can come very unhealthy thoughts, habits, and behaviors that should not be tolerated. If you are going through a rough patch, that you think can be fixed, then try it! But if there are the same bad feelings day in and day out even though you have both tried to change, then brace yourself for the breakup, but realize it’s the best thing in the long run! All breakups suck, but they don’t always have to be sad.

I am happy to say that after four long months my darling will be reunited with me once more!

To conclude; long-distance is not as bad as some people make it out to be. Past a certain point of time, it just becomes a normal situation, and if you truly have such strong feelings, and intentions for one another, then you can easily make it work!

Not everyone is cut out for it, but those who are get the most emotional, and intense feelings when they are finally reunited with their spatzl (German word for ‘little bird’ that my boyfriend calls me).