5 Thoughts About Getting Coffee

Photo by Walker Leigh Photography

Why is it that we always say “we should get coffee sometime,” when we mean more than that? We run into someone who we haven’t seen in a long time and we want to catch up with them soon, so we say: “hey we should get coffee sometime.”

The thing about getting coffee with someone is that it is a lot more complicated than just the act of drinking the beverage together.

Here are five thoughts about this common phrase and why we should think about what it actually means.

1. We say it all the time …

Not literally, but we say it a lot! “Let’s get coffee sometime” has replaced everything from “I want to get to know more about you,” to “I want to go on a date with you.”

Why is it that we have replaced intentional phrases that actually tell the other person what we want, with a sort of ‘cover-up’?

I think it has a lot to do with how we date nowadays. Texting has completely changed the dynamic of how we date and how we ask people out. It’s made it easier to say uncomfortable things without facing the person.

Before there was constant texting, people were forced to say how they felt in person (wow!). Being able to say things to others without actually being face-to-face has made it more difficult to say how we really feel to a person. Saying “let’s get coffee” is easier than intentionally asking someone what you really want to ask (unless you actually do want to get coffee, of course), because it allows you to sort of ask someone out without really asking them out.

2. “Let’s get coffee sometime” is the only thing we can think of to say.

It’s true! Sometimes we run into those people we haven’t seen in a while, and we have no idea what to ask them about their lives, after the usual “Hi, how are you!” “Good, how are you!” that never really means anything.

In order to ease the awkward tension of having no current knowledge of what this person is up to, we say “We should get coffee sometime!” You would think with all of this globalization and world-connection via Facebook, we would know a lot more about people’s lives, but sometimes it’s the opposite.

We can get too focused on our own appearance on Facebook or Instagram, that we actually forget to check out other people’s lives. We can remember seeing that someone posted a cat video last night, but we can’t remember who it was.

I think “Let’s get coffee” has become a phrase to ease awkwardness, instead of having to think of questions to ask another person.

3. We cancel “getting coffee” dates pretty consistently.

Why do we cancel? I’ll tell you. Because we most likely made the coffee date over a text message. When we schedule something via text, we don’t connect with the person in real life. This is the key to feeling very little guilt when we look at the clock an hour before our supposed coffee date and decide to take a nap and cancel.

We say, we’re too busy and we didn’t realize something was going on at the same time as our date that we just canceled. It’s a sad reality that rain-checks are way too common now that we can schedule or reschedule getting coffee in an instant.

4. Getting coffee is not creative.

If you really want to get coffee, or you’re in the coffee industry, it’s okay for you to want to get coffee. You want to try that new place that uses a $23,000 espresso machine, or that place that just opened up in the hip part of town? Fine. There is nothing wrong with that.

However, I think that it’s boring to get coffee if you want to catch up with a friend, or ask someone out. Especially if you want to ask someone out, I know you can think of more than just getting coffee! (Or you can try a Google search for your city’s popular activities).

Try finding a waterfall nearby or going on a short hike/walk instead. There might be some beautiful nature nearby. If you don’t like the outdoors, that’s okay too. Find an art museum, a festival, a musician in town or a zoo you can visit.

Any of these things could cost you only a few bucks more than, if not the same amount as, purchasing a mocha and a pastry at a coffee shop. You will also be broadening your mind rather than sitting down and eating sugary carbs.

5. On the other hand, some really good things can come from a coffee date.

I know I’ve been anti-getting coffee this whole time, but I do think that there are some moments in life that merit a nice late morning with a good friend in a coffee shop. There are plenty of songs written about coffee shops, including Landon Pigg’s Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop.

I know that sometimes coffee shops have this sweet, peaceful and romantic feeling to them. I also know that some people don’t have time to commit to much more than a short coffee date to catch up with people. So it’s okay if you want to go get coffee with a friend or a love-interest.

I only ask that we remember that there are other activities that we can participate in when we want to hang out with someone. There are also more intentional ways to ask someone out on a date, and when we make a coffee date we should try our very best to keep it.

Life is getting more and more technology-focused and it’s getting more and more difficult to keep ourselves off our phones, but I think that if we focus on intentional words and intentional hang-outs/dates, we can combat the negative consequences of our texting society.