7 Things You Promise Your Pets Over Thanksgiving Break

By Hannah Messinger on November 26, 2015

As we all venture homewards, our snapchat stories and Instagram profiles fill with videos and perfectly captured moments of none other than our pets, our greatest loves, all perfectly happy and excited now that their favorite owner has returned to the house. We give them all our love and thankfulness, and in return, they give us slobbering kisses and quiet snuggles in front of the TV screen that we’ve been missing for three months now. With our hearts swept away again by our favorite furry creatures, we get a little reckless with our promises.

1)      “I’ll never leave you again.”

Not only is this illogical and impossible, given classes start up again on Monday, it’s also a flat out lie. Of course we will be leaving again. Our favorite companion doesn’t need to know that, though, and we’re good enough at pretending that our farewell tears will be masked well enough that they won’t pick up on them until it’s too late.

2)      “And not only will I never leave you, I’ll cuddle you forever.”

While this is more accurate for the smaller pets than the larger ones, it’s still a promise we make. No, I won’t be leaving this couch ever again. And yes, you have dibs on the spot next to me and on my lap for the rest of time.

3)      “Even when I have to pee, I will remain here.”

We tell our pets as they sit curled up against us, perfectly content for the first time since we’ve left, that we won’t move. Not ever. Not even in the case of an emergency. No, I’m not trying to leave, your fur is just making me a little sweaty. And speaking of which—

4)      “I will keep myself under this blanket because it is your favorite blanket.”

Despite a slight heatstroke and a gradually increasing fever, we all guarantee and absolutely vow to keep the blanket wrapped around us because it is your favorite blanket, and you will only sit on this specific blanket, and it makes you happy. No one wants to make you unhappy ever again, not after our prolonged, cruel absence.

5)      “When I went away, it was a mistake.”

Even though college is the best time we’ve had in a while, we won’t be telling our pets that. We tell them stories about how terrible it is that we’ve gone away and how horrible the place everyone calls “college” turned out to be.

6)      “In fact, they made me go.”

Blaming our absence on our parents is the smartest route to take. It leads to the sweetest form of pet affection, and it gives them reasons to forgive us. Especially if your pet is a cat.

7)      “I will always be unhappy without you.”

Well, maybe this one is true.

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