How To Become A Relationship Master in College

By Moses Johnson III on November 2, 2015

College is a time of transformation and transition. Every semester brings a promise of new relationships of all kinds. As a student, managing (including beginning, maintaining, and ending) relationships can be the difference between a semester well-had. As with other forms of management, regular and proper relationship management can prove to benefit most other areas of your collegiate career. Relationships in college can be whimsical, fleeting, fundamental, and detrimental. It is difficult to be successful and avoid establishing relationships, so why not establish them in a way that is beneficial, educational, healthy, and fun?

There can be no substitute for quality relationships and connections.
(from unsplash.com)

Here are a few tips for handling all manner of relationships, be they platonic, professional, familial, or romantic.

Choose your relationships considerately, honestly, and with regular frequency.

While there is room for almost every type of relationship in your life for one reason or another and there can be valuable lessons learned from even the worst experiences, there can be no understating the value of a timely and high-quality connection. Relationships that are carefully considered or otherwise vetted tend to result in positive outcomes. This is not to say that you must secure or investigate a particular person for any particular time, rather consideration for what you might need or want and what you are willing to give should be understood or broached at the very least. Understanding what you may want or need and seeking these relationships will result in developing the ability to identify, assess, and eventually attract traits that you desire from people.

There’s no need to be quite this meticulous when you choose…
(from pixabay.com)

Honesty is among the easiest ways to eliminate friction during the course of a relationship. To deceive yourself or others can chart a course for discord, confusion, or anger sooner than later. It is much better to under-promise and over-deliver. A broken agreement to mutual fidelity, veracity, or confidence can damage an otherwise functional relationship irreparably. Honesty gives its purveyor an escape hatch of sorts; as adults, it becomes most difficult to fairly condemn anyone for actions or feelings that they never purported to hold. Honesty in relationships also lends itself to the types of communications that prompt effective introspection and change (hopefully two things that your experiences are set to be filled with.)

…Bringing us to frequency…

While there are relationships that begin in college and continue through the remainder of your life, it is important that you set aside time to frequently choose relationships for a specific purpose or reason. Regardless of the antiquated notions that we have been given about the nature of relationships (especially romantic ones,) they, like all things of value, will require varying amounts of time, patience, quality time… basically, maintenance. Regularly choosing which relationships are worth time and energy accounts for your personal transformations. Choosing regularly also asserts a specific truth about relationships: Relationships exist by the interaction between at least two parties. While some situations are more difficult to successfully extract yourself from, and abusive relationships can make positive removal a near-impossibility, relationships exist largely because of your continued engagement. Simply disengaging can end many relationships.

Embrace the transitional nature of quality relationships.

Not all lifelong careers are endeavored with the utmost passion. Not all till-death-do-us-part marriages start from love-at-first-sight. Every relationship has its own levels of potential, circumstance, and flow that can lead to extended or timely benefits to involved parties. Most relationships will change in ways large and small. I have a relationship with my best friend that has lasted through over 22 years and has transitioned through multiple girlfriends, two wives, four children, a myriad of jobs, and one relocation. We have gone from sleepovers to separate regions of the state with resulting transitions all while benefiting one another in a number of ways. Had I not been able to handle the loss of time when he was involved with a girlfriend or he not been able to understand that my coursework would need to take precedence over our routine shenanigans, we would have missed out on growing as men, fathers, and husbands. It is just as important to handle professional relationships that transition from romances to friendships or romantic relationships that transition from platonic to professional. Each relationship can bring value if well-maintained.

Diversify the style and substance of your relationships

Your circle of friends should not look like this
(from pixabay.com)

Few things are worse than looking around and noticing all your relationships are essentially the same. Diversity is a criterion from which your relationships will benefit. Being able to pour into someone emotionally or sit in communal silence with someone else is healthy and shields the mind from notions that there exists only one way to achieve anything in life. You are too young to be so set in your ways regardless, and should explore the wealth of interactions that college and life has to offer before deciding on one (or all!) Relationships will reveal the beauty of diversity to you as soon as you understand that people who are different will react to each other and you differently. Relationships are best when maintained by and for the participants alone and according to their most consistently honest tolerances and considerations. Nuance in relationships are the treasures that drive our economy of social interaction and reveal the beauty of humanity.

Choose your relationships well, poorly, and with a bit of abandon but choose them with the understanding that they can carry you through the best and worst times of your college experience.

 

 

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