A Letter to my Deceased Best Friend

A Letter to my Deceased Best Friend,

Hi, how are you? I miss you. You’d be 20 now and a sophomore in college with me. It feels like yesterday; we were sitting in your room watching “Transformers” and making fun of your chihuahua because I’ve always hated your little rat-dog. I left your house that Friday night assured that you were much better, practically cancer free.

The next day you were put on life support, two days later on Monday I found out after I got back home from cheerleading practice, that my prediction/wishes/hopes were terribly wrong.

Our friends came to my house to tell me; of course, I wasn’t home, so they asked my sister to give me the news once I was. She couldn’t do it.

Instead, she told me to call one of our friends back. I was still bursting with energy from practice, so I was barely letting her talk once I called. Then with five little words she instantly made me shut up, “you don’t know, do you?”

My heart stopped, I knew something was wrong. That night I cried myself to sleep in my sister’s bed, and I yelled at my father for the first time.

The next few days and years of my life I spent angry. Angry at cancer, angry at God, angry at everyone. The point of this letter is to apologize, for not being strong like you made me promise to be like you always were for everyone. I’m sorry that I let your death turn me into someone cold and angry. I know that is not what you would have wanted. I miss you every day of my life, so I thought you should know that the smile you often reminded me I wore so well was restored.

About two-three years ago I met someone who suffered from leukemia just like you, at a young age just like you, and he is the definition of sunshine beautifully wrapped up in a single human being, just like you. My love for you is never-ending, and I know in my heart I made this friend because of you.

He was 19 at the time and had been battling cancer since he was seven, and I would’ve never guessed it if one of our mutual friends hadn’t told me beforehand. He is the happiest, funniest, most humble person I have ever had the pleasure to meet. He is everything I ever wished you’d get to be, a college student, happy, celebrating a birthday every year, an employee.

You, Krissia, inspired me to specialize in pediatric oncology (children’s cancer) as a career. Zach Parks, the 19-year-old goofball I met, fueled my desire to work with cancer patients by 200 percent (if that’s even possible). He truly is amazing, and he has a hell of a future before him. Not only has he led a great life despite the hardships, but somehow he’s managed to excel at school as well. I’m lucky to have a friend like him just as I was lucky to have had a friend like you.

So today I beg of you that you talk with the man upstairs that you work your undeniable charm and magic, and you help Zach. He got sick again for the third time, and he’s been doing great with his medicine, but it’s not enough. He needs a bone marrow transplant; he has a donor, but I’m still worried. I want it all to go away, and I would give up absolutely anything to make it so.

Please fix him, I promise to be good, and I’ll seriously try to stop cursing, I’ll get good grades, and stop picking on chihuahuas. Please, just please make him better. Help him with the financial mumbo jumbo that comes with cancer treatments. Help him keep that wonderful smile, give him strength through the hard times, provide assistance in blowing out birthday candles, and most of all remind him that he is loved.

I love you so much, and I miss you every day of my life. I can’t wait until we meet again — save me a seat wherever you may be. Thank you for being no one other than yourself.

Love,
Angie B.

If you have the money to spare, please take a moment to donate to Zach at http://www.gofundme.com/zachwillwin

In loving memory of Krissia Gabriela Merlos.

Merlos, Krissia Gabriela, 13, died Wednesday, Sept. 17, 2008. The funeral mass was at 3 p.m. on a Sunday at St. Mary Catholic Church in Wilmington North Carolina. The burial was held in El Salvador, her home country.