Six Tips to Make a Long-Distance Relationships Work

By Scott Blickensderfer on April 7, 2014

Long-distance relationships can be difficult, but working together with your significant other in creative ways can ensure that your relationship does not feel like a burden.

1. Actually communicate

Okay, this one’s obvious. You can’t have a significant other you do not speak to, but what this really means is you have to know how to speak to each other effectively. The finely crafted nuances of a coy text can’t always cut it, because there’s always room for interpretation (particularly of the negative variety). Be clear and try to express your concerns and feelings, because your partner will not always be able to infer your vague insinuations. As fun as bottling everything up inside may seem, it usually builds tension and exacerbates problems.

2. Know each other’s expectations

Find a happy medium concerning how often to call or text each other. Partners may have varying expectations: some may find more assurance in more frequent communication, as it fills the void brought on by the distance with loving reminders that they are important (and hey, if you’re on the phone, it’s a lot less likely you are cheating at that very moment); others may conversely wish for some space to ensure individual growth and believe their trust is strong enough to withhold a dinner among friends without a check-in text. First, know which kind of person you are, and then (refer to #1) communicate it to your partner; it’s a conversation best had sooner rather than later.

3. Have multiple modes of communication

The more forms of communication you utilize, the better. When you rely on any one form of communication too heavily, it could get really old. By attacking the dreaded distance from many angles, it helps keep things fresh. Additionally, some modes succeed at elements of communication where others falter. Sarcasm can’t go a long way over text, but it has been known to work over the phone. Skype allows you to convey non-verbal cues, such as facial expressions or sunken shoulders. These can help someone who has a tough time talking on the phone communicate (hey, didn’t we cover that in #1?) his or her every whim triumphantly.

Mail correspondence could be a cute method of reminding your special someone how you feel. Sending a package filled with meaningful, handwritten letters and simple pen and paper games (e.g., the dots game, hangman, and even Connect Four) can be a nice surprise for your loved one (especially for the person who as a kid rushed to the mailbox full of hope, only to have dreams shattered on a daily basis, as the mail was never addressed to him or her). It could also be a nice touch to pack in special things you made yourself, like a neat drawing—anything will do the trick really.

Mailing pen and paper games back and forth, playing one turn at a time, gives you something to look forward to. (Photo by Scott Blickensderfer).

4. Skype is a beautiful thing

And not just for Skex. Sort out how you frisky kids want to approach that on your own time.

Skype is not only great for simulating face-to-face interactions, but also for fun activities that most couples do when they are together. You can play two-person board games, where you take oscillating turns (e.g., Battleship and Guess Who?), and for the particularly competitive, you can tally up wins and losses for wagering purposes (feel free to get creative). Another great way to pass the time is to Netflix binge together over Skype and phone. You can blaze through Breaking Bad together, sharing your reactions in real time. This works best if you mute Skype and talk to each other over the phone (to prevent feedback), after doing a little countdown before starting the episode simultaneously.

5. Know when the next time you’ll see each other is

It helps to know how much longer you will have to endure before reacquainting yourself in your partner’s loving embrace. Countdowns can sometimes make the wait seem daunting, but they also give you the feeling that every day that goes by, you are closer to seeing your significant other.

Plan out what activities you can do together in advance, so that you have a better conceptualization of what you are looking forward to and to prevent wasting what little time you do have together. It’s important to have plans, but also you need to accept that some plans will fall through (in order for better plans to take their place).

6. The end has to be in sight

Only junior high students can be in “relationships” where they never see their significant other. You have to have an idea of when the two of you will be able to live in the same area or some other solution to end the pain.

Knowing that one day you will be with your loved one can keep you going and your relationship alive, because you’ll be able to see that after all your strife, it will be worth it in the end.