Instagram for Dummies

taken from hypebeast.com

Wondering where all of my posts have been? I have been away on a very serious behavioral study, assimilating myself into the unknown haven of Instagram. (I have also been busy with procrastination and such, so please do not judge me solely on that whole obsessing about Instagram bit.) But as a striving journalist, it would make sense to be linked into all types of social media, right? And as the harassment continued, and picture tags on Facebook diminished because all signs of social life were being shared through Instagram, I caved.

I’m “Insta”ing this right now. Wait why won’t it let me tag you on Insta? Who doesn’t have an Insta…? I’m literally not putting this on Facebook simply because you don’t have an Insta.

I was tired of it, and maybe you are too, simply from the few examples presented. But unfortunately, to my dismay, there was no ancient rulebook documenting the ins and outs of Instagram, and clearly, I was a noob.

Lucky for the other (few, very unpopulated) group of individuals who would also be addressed as “noobs” on the topic of Instagram, I am here to document my interviews and observational studies. And by that I simply mean what I’ve been yelled at for, what I’ve been advised to do, and what I’ve seen on a daily basis.

1. Individual selfies are reserved for Sundays only—if that. Group selfies are fine. You’re in a crowd and don’t look like an awkward loner in your room. But no one wants to be one of those girls who document their every move with a new selfie of their latest outfit, eyebrow wax, or whatever such one may consider “selfie” acceptable. Just don’t do it—they’re usually not a good idea.

Exceptions: Clearly if you’re a celebrity then selfie away; you can take a selfie on the toilet and get 100,000 likes, so take advantage of it. If your picture is super artsy or funny, probably also acceptable. And maybe if it’s just the most amazing selfie you’ve ever taken, why not just post it, #yolo.

2. People obsess over “likes.” Sad but true. And when you see the picture that was posted three minutes ago already has 27 likes when yours posted ten minutes ago has three, it’s acceptable to be a little bitter about it. Just try not to get too bitter about it, some people are just “Instafamous” and that’s just the way life works. On a related topic, someone once told me that the most likes you’ll ever get on a picture is about ¼ of your followers. Probably not scientifically proven, but food for thought.

3. Limit yourself to one post a day. Many break this rule, and it is completely up for their own discretion. I’m not the Instagram police; I would be overwhelmingly unqualified for any position of the sort. But when I asked my trustworthy Instagram professionals on the topic, they advised me once a day, tops.

4. #CoolItWithTheHashtags. One, two, or three if they’re super creative. But first of all, they’re almost impossible to read with there being no spaces in between the words, and second, they can just get annoying. #Youlikehashtagswegetit #Seeyoucan’treadthat. Make a punny caption and throw in a few hashtags if desired, but don’t get crazy.

5. Instagram videos are a pain. A pain for the array of students attempting to catch up on their friends’ last night whereabouts by stalking Instragram, while half paying attention in their 9 AM discussion. You expect us to turn the volume on our phone in class to watch your video? That’s not what we asked for, and no one can understand the video silently. It’s really a lose-lose situation for all.

And there is much more learning to come. As I continue with my endeavor, I will be sure to fill in the other “noobs” of the Instagram universe on socially acceptable actions. As for now, stop with the constant selfies if you’ve already started (hopefully not); if you’re obsessing about likes, maybe try to up your number of followers; limit your number of posts; cut out excessive #hashtags; and just don’t even think about posting videos.

Best of luck.