5 Dumb Sex Myths Your College Campus Probably Still Believes

I’ve heard a lot of dumb (and highly unhygienic) ways people are having sex and perceiving it. Among the misconceptions college students have about sex, these are a few that need to be cleared up like a bad case of verbal chlamydia.

Perhaps you also lost your ability to understand basic human anatomy along with that shoe.
Photo Via Skreened.com

1. Vaginas get loose from having sex: It’s the faux physical sign of a “slut” every 13-year old boy is taught: women who have a lot of sex have loose vaginas. Alongside the childish myth that virgins have tight sexual organs, having sex does not influence the tightness or looseness of a vagina whatsoever (sorry in advance to all the uninformed Spike TV enthusiasts out there).

The vagina is said to have the elasticity to that of an accordion; when it’s at rest the vagina’s muscle tissue remains tightly folded like a closed accordion. As women become sexually aroused, vaginal muscle tissue relaxes somewhat, but this is due primarily to evolutionary reproduction, as a tight vagina would impede intercourse and reproduction, so women evolved to have sexual arousal relax the vaginal muscles.

I repeat, intercourse does NOT permanently stretch the vagina. This process, loosening during arousal and tightening afterward, happens no matter how often the woman has sex. Think of all the frat-worthy jokes Daniel Tosh couldn’t make if he knew this.

It’s better to spend 50$ on emergency contraception than be a running contender for the next season of “Teen Mom.”
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2. It’s harmful to keep taking the morning after pill: Although it isn’t harmful, it isn’t as effective at preventing pregnancy compared to other methods of birth control. You may notice irregular bleeding patterns and your period may be early or late, but emergency contraception will not affect your fertility, or become less effective over time.

The morning after pill has also been perceived as the abortion pill, which is another myth, considering the emergency contraception won’t produce any effect if you’re already pregnant. As much as the morning after pill is considered a baby death ray by the corporation of  Hobby Lobby  and the scientifically-stale arguments brought on by Mitt Romney, it’s not.

3. It’s totally suitable to use Saran wrap in place of a condom: No, it is totally not. Not only is this method completely useless in terms of preventing pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections, I can’t imagine the experience would be too pleasant for the person on the other end. As a college student, you wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard these horror stories, because yes, I used a plural noun. Because if you haven’t noticed, your penis isn’t a refrigeratable turkey sandwich, so don’t wrap it like one.

4. You can’t get pregnant on your period: Turns out a female can get pregnant at any time during her menstrual cycle. The reason this myth is false is because sperm can survive in the vagina for up to seven days, and an egg can survive for three. That’s right ladies, our bodies are innately out to get us pregnant while providing us with severe contraction-like cramps and mini births monthly in order to get us accustomed to the idea of inevitable pain and suffering.

If you must ask him about his wiener, make sure it’s about that plastic bag he’s using in place of a condom.
Photo Via Giantbomb.com

5. A female losing her virginity is an extremely painful experience: Well, it’s not supposed to be. The infamous myth about the hymen breaking during sex is a ridiculous one considering the hymen is usually gone before females even reach the age of having sex. If losing your virginity results in bleeding or extreme discomfort, the person you’re having sex with is being either too forceful or fast; it’s important for sex to be smooth and relaxing the first time you lose your virginity. No need to get to the finish line so quickly, Dale Earnhardt Jr.

It’s vital to know the correct information regrading sex before you start spreading misinformation, and possibly those aesthetically-pleasing herpes, across your college campus. And as tempting as it is to throw out the much-anticipated old wives’ tales featuring loose vaginas and plastic-wrapped penises, contain your inner Dane Cook demon and just enjoy that cup of cheap beer (because let’s be honest, Dane Cook was one of those embarrassing middle school memories we threw under the proverbial rug along with that 8th grade prepubescent mustache picture).