"One of the Guys"

By Lauren Painter on December 19, 2013

Growing up surrounded by testosterone-raging men only secured my special place as “one of the guys” whilst being a girl. I spend most of my time playing video games, drink beer more than anything, hate shoes with a fiery passion and 98 percent of what comes out of my mouth is sarcastic or perverted, thanks to my dry sense of humor.

Some guys say that girls like this are the epitome of the “perfect” girl; who exists only in their dreams and fantasies. But the guys who say this are either very wrong and unaware of it or they are flat-out, completely lying.

Photo via workinprowess.com

Being the only girl in a group of guys all the time is something any girl should brag about, right? It’s seen as such a good thing–an honor, a position to be envied, a throne if you will. It means we know how guys operate, we can get along with them just as friends and we can talk about more content than what I bought at the mall the other day or what kind of salad I ate for lunch. It seems like a blessing, yet only serves me as a curse.

I don’t think I can or will ever act like a proper woman, though I wish I could. I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I am too witty, proud, sarcastic and perverted to be a mysterious, quiet, obedient lady. Truth is… I’m not girlfriend material. Guys don’t want a girl like me, because I will challenge you, sass at you if you bark orders and if we are in an argument, I will never back down, even if I realize I’m wrong mid-way through the banter. I refuse to clean up after someone all the time. I will say when I’m not okay with something. These are the tragedies men face when dealing with me in a relationship. I am avoided romantically because of these unfortunate circumstances.

For years, I’ve tried accepting the fact that this is who I am. I’ve yet to come to terms with this. When I’m level-99 friend-zoned by every guy I know, I have only just learned that it is all about finding the happy median between being feminine and also being able to hang out with the boys; I intend on practicing this. (Maybe, say, playing video games in my lingerie?) Knock on wood, I am sure that a decent guy will come along and see me as more than a friend and appreciate that I’m not the perfect girl, but I am the perfect me.

For the girls out there who have a seat in the “one of the guys” clan like myself, hang in there. I beg you not to change anything. Someone’s going to come along and sweep you off your video-game-playing, beer-drinking, shoe-hating, sarcastic, perverted feet.

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