Your All Nighter, Solved

It’s 2 am. Are you still working on your senior thesis? Was it due yesterday? Are you staring at your Excel spreadsheet, wondering whether your trend-line should be exponential or polynomial? Or both? Could that happen?

It’s 2 am and your brain is threatening to come up with increasingly weirder ideas. It’s a horrible problem to have. And while I do not have a direct solution to this problem, I can suggest some ways to help you stay awake while you figure it out.

posted by MS.HUMBLE

Food. It is the key to a successful all-nighter. Not just any food, delicious food, and in small portions. Not because being a little bit hungry all night long keeps you focused, but because a sustained reward for being awake this long can actually trick you into enjoying these unfortunate situations.

Now the following are not proven or official brain foods. They are just scrumptious, and they do not require the use of a fork or a knife. After all, the goal is enhanced productivity, so there is no time for extraneous tools.

I) Candy. If you can make the time you are awake enjoyable, however remotely, chances are you’ll focus on getting your assignment done. Need inspiration? Here’s what you should be thinking about: Cookies’n’Creme Hershey’s Bar, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Haribo Gummi Bears, Sour Patch Kids, Sugar Daddy Pops.

The instructions are simple: eat a piece of candy, feel inspired, and get to work.

II) Cookies: bake some. Warm cookies make the house smell great, which will raise your spirits. Plus, any leftovers will make a yummy breakfast when you rush out the door in a couple of hours. Be sure to keep an eye on the baking time because tough, burnt cookies are definitely not as satisfying and will dampen your mood. A dampened mood will unquestionably lead to decreased productivity, which will in turn undo all the good work you’ve been doing with the candy.

III) A hot drink. My drink of choice is chamomile tea, with lots of honey. Another favorite is hot chocolate. Make sure to have a stash of marshmallows handy at all times, because hot chocolate is worthless without marshmallows. It’s just a cup of brown sugary liquid with no real purpose.

IV) Plain water. You will get thirsty eating all of this junk food.

This kind of regimen is almost guaranteed to help you through the occasional all-nighter. It’s quick and it’s the perfect excuse to include more sweets in your life. Health fiends out there are welcome to add nuts, baby carrots, and sliced apples to the mix…and whatever else truly healthy people eat. Just add anything you think will make your night tolerable. Remember to stick to small portions, and you’re on your way to success!