The Five Inevitable Girl Comments

  Whether you’re walking through campus or just running errands, chances are you’ll one day fall victim or be an innocent bystander to an inevitable girl conversation. They can be comical for both parties, and outsiders to the conversation may question how either person could be taking said conversation seriously. Whichever your role in the exchange, when surrounded by the female gender, such words may or may not be exchanged:

1.    “Want to grab fro-yo later?” Fro-yo is a magical thing, and perfectly fit for any occasion. Whether drenched with sweat after a summer run or desperately trying to find any warm throughout a Michigan winter, a girl can never have too much fro-yo–am I right, ladies? Miraculously, fro-yo doesn’t tend to have too many calories, which stands as the justification for the loaded on variety of chocolate toppings. But it’s barely any calories, so whatever.

2.    “You are so much better than him.” Really? Are you? Who knows, he could in some way be related to the Kennedy’s. Or Beyonce. He may have a high grade point average, be the most social guy on campus, or have simply amazing taste in clothes. His hair may always fall perfectly to the side, have skin that could star in the “after” pictures of an acne commercial, and even have a buzzfeed personally made about him. But when in doubt, your friend is always better than the mortal man enemy of the moment.

3.    “I really need to go on a diet.” The worst is when the teeny twigs make this claim. Seriously, are you trying to just show off? More importantly, are you trying to get punched in the face? This is not a rhetorical question. General claims can’t be made about everyone, but it’s safe to say a higher majority of the female population has this thought numerous times a day. And it is vocalized numerous times a day. Yet the diet part, not happening so much.

4.    “Ugh, I have nothing to wear.” The best aspect of this particular quote is that it typically is claimed in front of a closet full of clothes. And shoes. And purses. And accessories galore. Clearly there is a lot you could wear. More than a lot. You know, who doesn’t have anything to wear? Unless you are someone who has recently lost 200 pounds, I don’t think that makes much sense.

5.    “I’m never talking to him again.” This one usually backfires hours later when you receive that apology text or any kind of sign you were desperately waiting for. Yes, many girls take it as a “sign” they should be talking again, or a “sign” they should be together—because all girls are clearly psychics. Have I fallen victim to the “sign” copout? I am a girl, aren’t I? And so, length of effectiveness: One day, tops.

Whether or not these words are coming out of your mouth personally, spoken in your head, or you find yourself just a little too close to the girl talk, simply embrace it. What do they say, “girls: can’t live with them, can’t live without them,” right? Laugh and brush it off all you want, but deep down, maybe even super deep down, you know that is this occurring on the daily.

And just a small tip for the guys: When faced with the diet comment, the answer is always no.