The In's and Out's of Getting/Being Engaged at BYU

By Courtney Judd on April 18, 2013
Engagement Photo

Engagement photo taken by Darika Fuhrmann

True, at BYU everyone gets sick of hearing “Get married!” from Church leaders, professors, and even fellow students.  But judging by how many people secretly snatch the bridal guide at the Wilk when a new issue comes out, how many wedding pins there are on Pinterest by unengaged women, and how many fast and testimony meetings that start out with a lengthy personal intro., I take it that marriage is something that BYU students care about.

Unengaged Students

My advice for those people who are not yet engaged or even in a relationship right now is prepare yourself, but don’t be desperate!  People can tell if you are desperate to find a spouse and honestly it does not help your cause unless you are prepared to settle.  Also, don’t be overly picky when you haven’t worked on your own flaws.  If you want to date someone honest, then you should be an honest person too.  It is unfair to set expectations higher for someone else than you do for yourself.

Additionally, take advantage of your resources here at BYU.  We are required to take religion classes, so sign up for LDS Marriage and Family.  It seriously was one of my favorite classes at BYU and lots of people in the class are not married or in a relationship, so don’t feel embarrassed.  Institute also offers the same course.  If you are not yet endowed, prepare for the temple.  For myself I made the goal that I wanted to be prepared to enter the temple before making the decision to serve a mission or get married.  I read all the scriptures related to the temple, read Boyd K. Packers book The Holy Temple, and rented some other books in the library.  I also started attending Mission Prep and Temple Prep Sunday School classes.  When I did get engaged, I wasn’t stressed about preparing for the temple in addition to planning the wedding.

My last bit of advice for the unengaged student is to foster friendships.  It is so much easier to get to know someone on a casual basis as friends than it is to start dating someone immediately and then get to know one another.  The reason is because there is so much less pressure when you start as friends first.  I have done both and my relationships that started as friendships first have worked out so much better.

Engaged Students

With so much emphasis on getting married at BYU, it seems like there should be a handbook.  Unfortunately, there is not.  Here are some tips I have picked up along the way since I got engaged two months ago.

–Pick the date.  Talk with immediate family members and see what works best with everyone’s schedule and call the temple to schedule the sealing.  Jonathan and I got engaged on February 23rd and we are getting married May 25th.  We’ve found that this is a great amount of time.  It is distant enough that everything can come together, but soon enough that the process is not dragged on.

–Pick your bridesmaids.  Sisters should come first.  In the case that you or your fiancée do not have sisters, think about who you are closest to.  I picked my roommates, my old roommate who I lived with freshman and sophomore year, and a couple close friends from growing up.  These are the girls who I keep in touch with the most and that I am closest to.  Some people don’t like the stress of a bridal party and forgo the whole process, so that is an option too.

–Pick your reception venue and open house venue if you are from different states.  We went with a good friend’s backyard and my parent’s house for simplicity sake.  Some people choose nurseries, which is nice because all the flowers are included and other people choose hotels, which is nice because the catering is provided.

–Pick your photographer.  You want to have nice, professional quality photographs to remember your big day.  I’ve heard it is nice to have the same photographer for both engagements and wedding photos.  For us, we decided to have a friend do our engagements to save money since you only need one nice picture to send out.  But wedding photos is not a place to skimp on!  I’ve had friends and relatives tell me that they regret not hiring a photographer.

–Pick your dress.  I decided to have my dress custom made by a lady in Orem named Shawna Schauers.  She is fabulous and incredibly talented, so I highly recommend her.  Rumor has it that the wedding gown shops in Provo are picked over, so it is better to shop for gowns in Salt Lake.

–Pick your registries.  It is helpful for guests to see what types of gifts you want and need for your home.  The general rule of thumb is to pick 2-3 places to register.  Jonathan and I picked Bed, Bath, & Beyond and Crate & Barrel.  Other common places to register include Target, Macy’s, and Ikea.  Those are just a few suggestions of where to look.

–Make a wedding website.  Since almost everyone uses the Internet, except maybe your great-grandmother it is helpful to make a wedding website to post pictures, event information, hotel information, and registry information.  You can even include the R.S.V.P.’s on the site to make it easier.  Jonathan and I chose wix.com, which was a free, easy to navigate, site.  Click here to see our site.

–Order and send out invitations.  We had Melissa Livingston letter press our invitations.  She is incredibly talented.  Not only were we more than pleased with her work, but we have received numerous compliments about the invitations.  It is good to send the invitations out 6 weeks prior to the wedding so it is far enough away that people can schedule the date, but close enough that they will not forget about it.

There are many more things that go into preparation, but here is a start.  I am not an expert, but these are some of the things I’ve learned through my own experiences.  Good luck to all!

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