6 Ways To Deal When Your Roommate Betrays You

By Alexandra Brown on February 9, 2016

A major part of college is the whole roommate experience.

Whether you went random roommate freshman year in the dorms or another year in the apartments, or knew the person you were rooming with prior to coming to college, you’re bound to at least have some drama. This is just inevitable when living in close quarters with someone else, but it’s also normal.

With roommates, there can be normal, everyday drama that is inevitable. Only one person ever does the dishes or cleans up after parties, someone keeps forgetting to lock the door — basic, household problems like that.

But there are other roommate problems that can be a bit more severe, like stealing significant others, sharing secrets that were never meant to be shared, and excluding friends.

Here are the best ways to deal when your roommate betrays you.

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1. Confront them.

Above all, it’s important to confront your roommate when they betray you in one of the ways above. It’s not healthy to keep things inside, and they definitely need to know that the way they’ve acted is not okay, and completely out of line.

Confrontation is difficult for a lot of people, so a little preparation might be necessary. Talk to a close friend who knows you well, and tell them about the situation. They can help you work out a way to confront your roommate.

You might also want to write down what you want to say to your roommate to make sure you touch on everything that bothered you about what happened.

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2. Explain your feelings.

During, or after your confrontation, you want to reiterate how their betrayal really made you feel.

For a lot of people it’s hard to see things from another person’s perspective, so when you explain why what they did felt wrong to you, really tell them how it made you feel. They might be a little more sympathetic after they hear how what they did hurt you, and why.

It will be harder for them to argue when they can see the effect their behavior had on you. You have nothing to lose by telling them exactly how you feel about the situation.

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3. Stand your ground.

It is so important to stand your ground throughout your confrontation with your roommate, following arguments, etc.

If they did something to betray you, like hook up with your significant other, exclude you from plans with your close friends, or spill a dark secret that was never meant to get out, they are completely in the wrong and you are completely in the right. Remind them of this throughout, and that what they did was not acceptable.

If they can’t see that you’re serious about the situation, they won’t take it seriously. You need to fight for yourself, and stay strong the entire time, no matter how difficult it may seem.

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4. Look to friends for support.

Through an extremely dramatic situation like a serious betrayal from a roommate, it’s important to look to your (good) friends for emotional support. Don’t lock yourself in your room and avoid contact from the outside world. That won’t make you feel better; it’ll only make you feel worse.

You need to talk about your feelings, not just to your roommate you’re confronting, but other close friends who care about your feelings. They can help you get through it, and even support you in confrontation as well. Keeping things bottled up is not healthy, so make an effort to talk to your friends about what’s bothering you.

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5. Try your best to forgive and move on.

No matter how your confrontation goes, try your best to forgive. If your roommate apologizes and realizes they’re in the wrong, great. If they don’t, and they don’t see why or how what they did was wrong, try to just move on.

As frustrating as it might be that they aren’t apologizing or don’t see anything wrong with their behavior, try to be the bigger person. Realize your roommate is the one with the problem, not you. You’ve done everything you can to confront them, explain your feelings, and ask for an apology. There’s nothing more you can do after you’ve done everything you can.

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6. Don’t hold a grudge.

Much like trying your best to forgive and move on, it’s important to not hold a grudge against your roommate who wronged you. It’s just not healthy, and it’s hurting you more than anyone else.

Try to be the bigger person and move on. Realize that there’s nothing more you can possibly do. Moving on is the only way to feel better. No matter how long it might take, it’s the only healthy option in the end.

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